Today I am attending an event where I will be selling ( hopefully!) and signing my books. The 2016 Monadnock Women’s Expo is being held at the Zorn Dining Commons at Keene State College from 10 am until 2 pm and there are over 40 vendors hawking their wares, one of which will be me. By myself. Alone. Solo.
This is the first time I have attended such a huge event for a signing and I will be at my table all by lonesome. The thought is absolutely terrifying. Why, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you….
First of all, I have to get dressed up and by dressed up I mean I have to wear my hair fixed in a style other than my typical messy bun or ponytail. Then I have to wear makeup, which as I am getting older, I find cakes more into those lovely little wisdom lines around my eyes and mouth like nobody’s business. Then I have to find something in my wardrobe that actually fits and looks good. Two almost impossible tasks at this point because menopause has put twenty pounds on my already chubby frame, and I haven’t shopped for any kind of clothing in over three, almost 4 years. Purses and shoes don’t count because you can be a size zero or 22 and they always look good. My dressing room looked like a tornado and hurricane Hazel both blew through it last night as I pulled almost every article of clothing from my closet and tried it on desperately hoping to find something, ANYTHING, that would fit.
SO, hair, makeup and clothes that fit aside, I’m also terrified of being alone at my table because: a – I am afraid no one will stop and see me, buy a book, or have me autograph one and I will look like a total loser, and b – I am terrified someone will stop at my booth and ask me questions and want to purchase a book which I will have to autograph and then charge them for. And see, this is the biggest thing terrifying me: I have to ask people for money to pay for something I wrote and then take it, hoping they will like what they have purchased and not rant on Goodreads about what a waste of money the book really was.
Whew! I wrote that last paragraph without drawing a breath!
So, now you know my nasty little secret: despite giving an air of confidence and self-assurance to one and all sundry, I am really just a mass of nervous, anxious, neurotic jello ( can a food be neurotic??) wanting to please, hoping I will, and horrified I won’t.
And this is why I need a wingman: someone who will take the money and usher the next person on. Say a prayer for me – or several, maybe even a novena – that I don’t totally f**k this day up, and that I survive unscathed to write about the experience in the next several days.
Pathetic, thy name is Margaret-Mary.
This is the book I’ll be selling:
The last thing Carly Lennox is looking for as she sets out on her new book tour is love. The independent, widowed author is content with a life spent writing and in raising her daughter. When newscaster Mike Woodard suggests they work on a television magazine show based on her book, Carly’s thrilled, but guarded. His obvious desire to turn their relationship into something other than just a working one is more than she bargained for.
Mike Woodard is an ambitious man-and not only in his chosen profession. He wants Carly, maybe more than he’s ever wanted anything or anyone else, and as he tells her, he’s a patient guy. But the more they’re together, Mike realizes it isn’t simply desire beating within him. No. Carly is the missing piece in his life. Getting her to accept it-and him- may just be the toughest assignment he’s ever taken on.