#fridayfive What NOT to put in a book review

If you’ve been following me for at least a week (LOL) you know I’ve been talking about the good, the bad, and the necessary details of book reviews.

Today’s Friday Five is 5 things to NEVER include in one if you are a book reviewer.

1. SPOILERS. nevernevernever put spoilers in your review. This kills the suspense for the person who wants to read it because they already know what’s going to happen. Think of it this way – would you have wanted to know the ending to these movies BEFORE you saw them: Psycho, Star Wars ( the original) The Usual Suspects. Notice I didn’t tell you what those endings were. If you feel you want to or have to put spoilers in your review ( and believe me, you really don’t!) Then please tag it at the very beginning of the review with SPOILER ALERT. This will give the reader of the review the option to not read the review until after they’ve read the book.
2. Foul language. I read a review the other day of a book where the first line read “This book was f***ing* gross.” The word did not have the asteriks. There is no need to curse in a review- even if you are using the word as a joyful one as in “this book was f***ing great!” And I’m gonna add, this is a personal preference. But in all honesty I won’t read a review with curses in it. There are so many fabulous words in our language, foul ones don’t do it for me.
3. Attack the author. Reviews are opinions. I get that. But if you don’t like the book or it wasn’t for you, simply state that. Don’t write that the author is a hack, writes like a second grader who can’t think for himself, or should stick to his/her day job. Like cursing, this is unnecessary.
4. don’t rewrite the book. There’s nothing more insulting than putting into print these words: This book would have been better if... OR I would have written the ending this way. I’ve seen both in reviews and my thought is always, (1) you didn’t write the book, and (2) if you think it should have been written that way then you go write a book with the ending you think is better. And yes, I sound mean and nasty, but this really irks me.
5. One-star and write a review for a book you DNF’d ( did not finish). First of all, I can’t believe Goodeads allows 1 stars for stated DNF’d books. This just seems counterintuitive to me. Simply saying you didn’t finish it should be enough. Adding because you didn’t like the characters or plotline, is fine. But why should the author be penalized with a 1 star that brings down their entire rating for a book that wasn’t finished. In all honesty – again – if someone DNF’s a book it usually means it is a 1 star. Or less. No need to rate it, the thought is inherent in the DNF.

Agree? Disagree? That’s fine. Every reviewer is different, but as an author, I wouldn’t enjoy seeing any of the above things in a review for one of my books. Just sayin’.