An open letter…

Hey, Kids.

I’ve wanted to write this for a long time, but…life gets in the way, and things happen, and I just didn’t feel as if I was able to put into words exactly how I feel.

But now is as good a time as any, I think, especially with the publishing world the way it is.

You all know I started out as a traditionally published author back in 2015. The fabulous Rhonda Penders, RJ Morris, and their company, The Wild Rose Press, took a chance on a chubby, menopausal, bottle blonde, frustrated writer ( Me!) and published my book SKATER’S WALTZ, which, again – if you know me – know was written between the hours of 1 and 3 am for 3 months, while I was going thru the worst menopausal night sweats Mother Nature ever bestowed.

After that, and through the past 9 years, I’ve had over 16 titles published with them and have had a wonderful experience with this nurturing publisher.

Along the way, I pitched to various other publishers at conferences and was lucky enough to score contracts with three others: Kensington/Lyrical, Limitless, and Magnolia.

Then, I decided to explore indie publishing (self-publishing) because I was dropped by one of those publishers without any reason and already had three more books in the series ready to go. I decided to publish them on my own, and since then, I have almost exclusively self-published. One of those publishers went out of business, and the other decided three books were enough for me to prove I was worthy of more contracts.( p.s., I wasn’t in their eyes.)

No shade, just fact.

Now, all this happened without the benefit of a literary agent. I’ve pitched to many agents over the years, both in query letters and in person, and no one has ever taken me on as a client, one even telling me point blank at a meeting she “didn’t like my voice.”

Yeah, let’s just talk about how fragile my ego was for months after that why don’t we?

Sarcasm aside, no agent and now no publishing house, and the self-pub route is my go-to.

I tell you all this because – if you don’t already know – self-pubbing is hard work. Really hard. You are a business of 1. You are the writer, the editor, the cover designer, the promoter, the distributor, the publicist, everything that there are several people on a team doing in a traditional pubbing house.

If you self-publish, you are IT! CEO and all the minions underneath that.

Now, if you have the money to, you can pay people you contract to design your covers, do your edits, your publicity, and your distribution.

Notice I said that you can do all those things IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO.

I, and I’m not ashamed to admit this because it is the truth, am not independently wealthy, nor do I work outside the house. I left my job once I got that first publishing contract and, truthfully, have never looked back.

So, I do it all.

And I mean ALL.

I write the story, edit it, design the covers for the books, and format the manuscripts. I am in charge of uploading the books to a publishing company, aka Amazon. I am in charge of any and all publicity to promote those books. I am the one who must call indie booksellers to get my works into their stores (Quick Aside, I have been in only one.) I have to order proof copies and find arc readers for them. I have to design ads, graphics, and publicity shots for promotion. I decide what the prices are, where the books are distributed, and then I am the CFO to keep all the expenses in check. I have to find unique ways to market my books so they stand out from the other 100,000 indie books that are pubbed every week.

In a nutshell…I am it. All of it.

And I’m tired.

I’m tired of making self-promotion videos every day for my books that only a handful of people see.

I’m tired of trying to find new readers on platforms that confuse me, like TikTok and Instagram. The algorithm doesn’t support my stuff, so about 200 people see my videos every day, and they are already following me. Plus, I hate doing those promos. I am, basically, an introvert and not a salesperson. Those two combined do not make for an enigmatic speaker or “hawker.”

I’m tired of seeing zero sales on my Amazon royalty sheets, months at a clip. If I had to support myself financially, I wouldn’t be able to and therefore wouldn’t be able to write. I’d need to go back into the workforce at 64 years old. Yeah, how many job opportunities are there for someone like me? I hear Walmart is hiring.

I’m tired of doing everything every day with no help. I don’t have a PA and can’t afford to pay one because — no sales. Vicious cycle, much??

I can’t afford to attend big book signings with multi-authors anymore because of the expense involved. Table fees, hotels, gas, plus purchasing the books that I hope will sell and yet never do. Also, since I am a business of 1, I have to schlep everything to the sites, set it up, and be responsible for sales, self-promotion, and inventory. My brain is only so big, Kids. Only so big.

I have to admit this here, even if it makes me look like a loser, but it’s demoralizing and soul-killing to go to a big signing and have hundreds of people walk by your table on their way to a “bigger name” or someone they already follow, and never even make eye contact with you, or dismiss you and your table with a glance. I am the type of person who will try and establish a connection with people I don’t know at signings, but I must come across as weird or desperate(!) because 9 times out of 10, readers just walk by. Some smile. Some make a comment telling me they don’t read what I write. Yeah…demoralizing.

Pity party, table for one?

That’s the way this is sounding right now, and I don’t want it to be a whine fest.

But…it’s also ego-crushing when you know authors who have written books that are – let’s just say, not great literature – making a killing in sales, propelling the writer to celebrity status, and you know – you know! – the stuff she writes is crap.

And that makes me sound petulant and childish and jealous, but…pot, meet kettle and call her Peggy.

Do I still query literary agents even after all this time? Yes.

Do I still receive form letter rejections from them? Absolutely. Weekly. My total of negative responses to queries is up to 503 right at this moment.

Have I tried unique ways to get new followers through giveaways, both on Goodreads and other platforms? Yes. The results have been okay at times, poor at most, and just served to lessen my savings account total and not garnered me any new followers or readers who want to read more of my stuff.

Last year I spent over $10,000 on book signings ( travel, hotel, table fees, books), and my total income from them was only $798.00. Not even girl math can make those numbers make sense in the real world.

If I owned my own business I would have declared bankruptcy by now. Hell, five years ago!

Every day I ask myself why am I doing this? Why am I setting myself up for hurt and failure once again? Is there something in me that has a pain/pleasure response ( not to get kinky!) But who enjoys failing so many times? And I know the knee-jerk response is that “you are not a failure. Look at all you have done.”

I get that argument. I really do.

But… having a sound ego about your accomplishments is one thing. Going broke trying to attain those accomplishments? Quite another.

And every day, the only answer I can come up with to my question – because it’s the truth – is that I love to write. Writing truly is, as my website states, my oxygen.

So…moving forward and leaving the pity-me train…

I am cutting back severely on the number of big book signings I am doing in 2025, and I am going to concentrate on simply writing and doing smaller signings, where the table fees and/or travel expenses are zero or at least affordable. I have already contracted to do four big signings next year and will honor those. ROMANCY CNY in April 2025, ROMANTICON in July, and BOOKSBOOKSBOOKS in September and A VERY MERRY BOOKMAS in December. But that is it for the biggies.

I do have a few smaller, more intimate ones on the line, too, thankfully.

Hopefully, I will get asked to do a few library or more local ones along the way.

For now, though, it’s break time.

I still write every day and I still have a 2024/2025/2026 book schedule for new releases that is live. 2 more this year; 10 in 2025 ( 6 reprints on books I got the rights back on) and 4 newbies; 4 newbies in 2026.

Let’s see what 2025 does for my sales bottom line. If it improves, I may come back into the world of bigger and better multiauthor signings.

But for now… I’m gonna be on the sidelines for a bit, just writing, because…I’m tired. And I love writing. Just…writing.