I talk a great deal on this blog about writing, my writing process, marketing, etc, all things book-related. I could wax prolific about books and bookish topics for days and probably never draw breath.
I love writing. I love creating. I love using words to draw visuals and talking about writing.
One thing I never talk about here is the emotional and mental toll certain aspects of writing have on my mental health, though, and today I’m going to attempt to explain how much it does.
I posted about my Barnes & Noble book signing last weekend, where no one came. Not even my friends. No one bought a book; I had a hard time getting anyone who did come into the store to talk to me, even though I engaged with everyone, saying hello, and other mundane things to draw attention.
In a word, it was demoralizing.
Look, I know I’m a good writer. I have no imposter syndrome and have never for a moment suffered from it. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I started my writing career by winning a writing contest. That kind of solidified in my mind I was a decent storyteller. The 50-odd other wins and finals in contests have proven to me this is what I should be doing with my life, so that’s not what causes my anxiety and depression where writing is concerned.
It’s the lack of sales that gets to me and brings me down. In-person events are typically how an unknown writer such as myself makes connections and gets new-to-them readers to read their work and who then become fans. I’ve done close to 100 in-person events since I started writing full-time twelve years ago. That’s a lot of face-to-face meet-and-greets and book signings. And don’t get me wrong: I’ve made a ton of new readers who have since become friends. And believe it or not, I’ve enjoyed those events. I’ve enjoyed the people-ing with people who love books!
But at some point you have to consider the amount of money you are laying out for these events – table fees, buying your author copies, swag, travel – it all adds up and, again, at some point you would think I’d pull ahead and actually make money instead of always losing it.
I sound like I’m whining, and I hate that. I’m not. Really. Well…maybe a little.
The point is, there comes a time when all the smiling, attempts at interacting, and discussing your book – or trying to – becomes too much, and you have to either step away or suck it up and keep going.
Since I’m a Taurus, I am DNA-driven to choose option #2, even though I’m exhausted and could use a break to simply write without having to sell.
My father-in-law was a salesman, and he taught that the first rule of salesmanship starts when the customer says no. I wish I could be the type of author who was pushy ( in a good way) when it comes to people not buying books and walking past my table, even though I am always trying to get them to engage with me. I wonder if some readers think I am pushy.
And that thought just shot my anxiety up another notch.
Anyway… I have a two-day signing/sales event this upcoming weekend where I’ll be with dozens of other authors. Events like this are way easier for me to participate in because it’s not JUST ME trying to sell, but a gaggle of authors.
Is a group of authors called a gaggle? Or is it a guild?
No clue, but you get the thrust.
So, I’m going to shove my anxiety and depression back down into my soul and do my best to be upbeat and positive this weekend.
Sometime, kids, in the future, I’ll step away for a bit. Now, though, is not that time.
~ Peg
Peggy Jaeger, Author 