As a writer, I have a basic need to know about humans so I can describe them truthfully in my stories. Their quirks, foibles, mannerisms. Their cadences in speech, their body movements, the physical way they handle stress. I also need to know what they think and how they speak.
Hence, today’s topic. I am a natural eavesdropper and voyeur. When I was a teenager I had to wear rose-colored glasses ( no pun intended) because of an issue with light hitting my eyes. My grandmother ( the witch I’ve mentioned many times in previous blogs) nastily called me SPY-GIRL, because I could look at people without them knowing it behind those lenses. This is where my life long obsession with being, well, nosey, came from. ( And if you don’t know the significance of this picture – you are not over 40!)
These are just some of the, shall we say funny, things I’ve overheard and surreptitiously seen over the course of the past year.
At the gym:
“You know, I bet if you hit him with just a five pound weight you could do serious damage, or even kill him.”
“When he sees how much weight I’ve lost, he’ll come back begging. The dick.”
“I hit something in the road on my way here. I’ve got blood and shit all over my front end. Hope it wasn’t, like, a body. Hope the cops don’t see it.”
“Are your eggs fresh?” ( In my mind, to this one, I wanted the clerk to say so badly , “No, just a little snarky at times.” think about it!
“What kind of meat is in your turkey sandwich?”
“Can I get an egg with my souffle?”
“What kind of fruit is in your Mango smoothie?”
At the grocery store:
This one was the clerk calling to the floor manager when she couldn’t make change. “Hey, I need coins. I’ve gotta give this lady fifty cents change and all I have is a bunch of dimes. I need some of those twenty-five peice coins.” And okay, here’s the truth in advertising part of this blog – that story was told to me by my hairdresser! but I still thought it was good enough to add here.
( and full disclosure here, these were pulled off a site – yes, they actually have a website – titled PEOPLE IN WALMART – so I’m not the only one on the look out for these peeps!
Is it, really, any wonder I’m a writer??