Category Archives: Strong Women

Imposter Syndrome, Part II

 

Last week I wrote a blog post about Imposter Syndrome. I was floored by the responses I received from readers and writers after it went live. For two days my email inbox was crawling with dozens of responses about what I’d written. Most of them were from authors – some of whom I don’t know personally. A few were from readers. All of them thanked me for calling out what it is to feel  like a professional failure, even though you’ve had a modicum of success. I ended that blog piece by saying, “STOP THINKING YOU ARE AN IMPOSTER AT THIS WHOLE WRITING THING. You write, ergo ( and don’t I just love being able to use that word!!) YOU ARE A WRITER!!!

Why don’t they get that?

A few authors wrote me that they felt like failures, and not “real” writers,  even though they had sold thousands of books, recently signed new contracts, and generally had well known names in the romance writing community. I was stunned by these revelations. My questions to each of them was : HOW DO YOU DEFINE A REAL WRITER and HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS, because it obviously isn’t in sales, or name recognition. The other question that blew through me was WHY? Why do you feel like a failure? You’ve written a book – some of you several books. They’ve been published – some traditionally, some independently. You’ve received royalties – some a lot, some not so much, but still…money! Readers know your name. Readers await your next book release. Readers WANT to read your work. So, again, WHY do you feel like professional failures?

I’m gonna take a wild guess here to answer that question, and I’m gonna ask for a little patience while I present my case, because some of you are gonna get all hot and bothered ( and not in the good, romance reading way) about what I think.

Since I write romance, that’s the genre I’m going to latch on to here for my discussion. The majority of romance writers are WOMEN. The majority of romance readers are WOMEN. The majority of people who pay cash-money for books of all genres are WOMEN. The majority of people who read for pleasure are WOMEN. The majority of people who make the most money on the planet and are responsible for the majority of decisions made ( and most of them are bad ones!) are ( wait for it ) MEN.

The definition for professional success for most men is very different for woman. Men equate success with money, material possessions, social status, and titles ( CEO, CFO, etc.) Women equate success almost the same way, but where a man will wear his success with pride and boast about it, women, it’s been my experience…will not. They tend to brush off well meaning compliments and try to turn any conversation away from themselves.

Again, this is my opinion based on years of being around very successful MEN and WOMEN and seeing how they react so differently when given praise or asked about their accomplishments. I’ve been in a room filled equally with writers of both sexes and the male voices are usually the loudest, the ones filled with the most hubris, and the ones bragging on their next book sales. The women, when given praise about their own bestsellers and highly anticipated new releases, have typically waved off the compliments, and redirected the praise. When you ask a male writer what he is working on you get chapter, book, verse and verbal diarrhea about the plot and everything else. Women will give you an elevator pitch and then move on to another topic.

Women do not like talking about themselves. Most women, that is. There are a few who drone on incessantly as if they were the only ones on the planet or in the discussion. We all know people like that. But for the majority, women still tend to take a back seat when it comes to broadcasting their successes and this is the reason I think they feel like imposters, frauds, and are faking it.

To these wonderful woman I say OWN IT!! 

Own your success. Wear it like a badge of courage for all your hard work.

 

I raised my daughter to be proud of herself – her successes and goal achievements. I raised her to accept her failures, learn from them and grow with them. I raised her with the knowledge she could walk through any door with her head held high, knowing she could make of herself anything she wanted. I thank the gods of everything she is the woman she was always meant to be. She doesn’t brag, but when given a compliment, accepts it, graciously. She doesn’t extol her own virtues and successes, but she doesn’t dismiss them with an embarrassed hand wave when someone mentions them, either. And she is forever lifting others up both verbally, spiritually, and emotionally.

To all the female writers I know who suffer thru imposter syndrome please know this: YOU ARE NOT AN IMPOSTER and no one has the right to make you feel less than a success.

Own it. Be it. Wear it. YOU ARE A WRITER.

‘Nuff said.

 

If you’re looking for me, I’m usually here:

Tweet Me//Read Me// Visit Me//Picture Me//Pin Me//Friend Me//Google+Me// Triber// Book Me

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Author, Contemporary Romance, Strong Women

A series of firsts…

I’m over on LOVEROMANCEREADS today talking about the first time I ever did….this. 

Leave a comment

Filed under Author, Strong Women

A little #Surprise this weekend…

I was laid up in bed all day yesterday because I pulled my left flank and hip muscles on Saturday at the gym. Adulting and life should come with a disclaimer that doing squats after the age of 55 is not a wise choice.

Anyhoo.

As I was working in bed 

I got an email that just about shot me off the mattress. Apparently, I am a FINALIST in the 2018 HOLT MEDALLION CONTEST in the Long Contemporary category for my book COOKING WITH KANDY.

YOWZA!

If you scroll down to the Long Contemporary category you’ll see my name. My real name. Apparently, I entered under my real one, not my pen one. Le Sigh….

Anyway – YAY!!! Cooking with Kandy won a bunch of awards before it was published and this is the first time I’ve entered it in anything since it’s been published, so this is uber-thrilling.

I’ll keep you updated once the winners are announced. All body parts are crossed for this one, peeps!

Looking for me? Here I am: Tweet Me//Read Me// Visit Me//Picture Me//Pin Me//Friend Me//Google+Me// Triber// Book Me

and one last shameless plug: Check out my new AUDIOBOOK version of 3 WISHES, available now at Audible // Itunes // and Amazon.

3 Comments

Filed under Author, Contemporary Romance, Cooking, Family Saga, Foodie, Kensington Publishers, Lyrical Author, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women, The Laine Women

#SaturdaySeven #LASreviews 7 Love Songs for the Ages ( or aged!)


Since I write romantic fiction, I like exploring all things romance-related and that includes music. I’m a woman of a certain age ( read old!!!) and have heard a great many love songs during my listening time on this earth. In no particular order, these are my favorite 7 love songs. And a little trivia: #7 is my wedding song.

  1. Can’t help falling in love with you. ~Elvis Presley   
  2. I will Always love you. ~ Whitney Huston   
  3. Because you loved me. ~Celine Dion     
  4. I just called to say I love you. ~Stevie Wonder      
  5. She Loves you. ~The Beatles     
  6. I think I love you. ~The Partridge Family ( David Cassidy) 
  7. I’m a Believer. ~The Monkees And because this is a weekly challenge, click HERE to read about the other authors and their 7 favorite things.

Looking for me? here I am:

Tweet Me//Read Me// Visit Me//Picture Me//Pin Me//Friend Me//Google+Me// Triber// Book Me

and one last shameless plug: Check out my new AUDIOBOOK version of 3 WISHES, available now at Audible // Itunes // and Amazon.

9 Comments

Filed under Author, Contemporary Romance, Strong Women

It’s Tuesday, so that means…menopause talks

I’m over on my alter ego blog site, MOMENTS FROM MENOPAUSE talking about….well, you need to read it to really know now, dontcha!! heehee. Stop by. Leave me some love.

Leave a comment

Filed under Strong Women

I’m still #onTour

 

The Silver Dagger Tour is still active! Today I’m over on Deal Sharing Aunt  and   Books are love

Stop by and take that rafflecopter chance to the Amazon gc and a free ecopy of the book. Leave a comment and I’ll respond.

Leave a comment

Filed under Author, Characters, Cooking, Lyrical Author, Strong Women, The Laine Women

#SDSxxtour continues for #CantStandTheHeat

Today’s stops include Bound 2 Escape  and Books all things paranormal and romance.

Stop by and leave a comment. Take a chance on the rafflecopter and get lucky!!! Plus, support me book ( Heehee.)

And just FYI for all you #menopausemamas out there, my new Moments from Menopause blog post is up today. stop by and see the results of my recent hypnosis. You might be surprised. I was.

Leave a comment

Filed under Author, Contemporary Romance, Cooking, Food lover, Kensington Publishers, love, Lyrical Author, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women, The Laine Women

#SDSxxTours Happy Monday

Welcome to my next tour!!! Today I’m over on Books A Plenty  and Book Review: Virginia Lee . Stop by. There’s another rafflecopter!!! Everyone can use an Amazon GC, am I right? Heehee

Leave a comment

Filed under Contemporary Romance, Food lover, Kensington Publishers, love, Lyrical Author, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women, The Laine Women

#GoddessFishBlogTour Final Day!!!

So yesterday was a bit of a kerfuffle- the blogger who was going to host me for the day put up the post really late so I never got a chance to publicize it. Here it is now.  Brooke Blogs. But never fear – I’ve got  2 great stops today ( one of them at one of my fav websites, Long and Short Reviews!) Stop by Archaeolibrarian – I Dig Good Books for a little discussion and then Long and Short Reviews (Yippie). And since this is the last day of my tour ( and boy, am I tired!!!) make sure you’ve visited all the other stops and clicked on the rafflecopter for a chance at that $50 Amazon gc!

Thanks to all the remarkable and wonderful hosts this past month. The reviews have been wonderful and all the stops memorable. I simply adore Goddess Fish Promotions. 

If you missed any of the stop, click here:

March 19: Romance Novel Giveaways
March 20: BooksChatter 
March 20: Sharing Links and Wisdom
March 21: Edgar’s Books
March 21: Christine Young
March 22: Laurie’s Thoughts and Reviews
March 22: Candrel’s Crafts, Cooks, and Characters
March 23: Unabridged Andra
March 23: BooksChatter – review
March 26: Welcome to My World of Dreams
March 27: Sorchia’s Universe
March 27: Rachel Brimble Romance
March 28: Nana Prah’s Blog
March 29: Fabulous and Brunette
March 29: Stormy Nights Reviewing and Bloggin’
March 30: It’s Raining Books
April 2: Book Magic – Under a spell with every page – review only
April 2: K.T. Castle
April 3: Read Your Writes Book Reviews
April 4: The Avid Reader
April 4: The Pen and Muse Book Reviews
April 5: Readeropolis
April 6: Straight From the Library
April 9: Words of Wisdom from The Scarf Princess
April 9: Hearts and Scribbles
April 10: XoXo Book Blog
April 10: Joanne Guidoccio
April 11: Bookaholic – review only
April 11: Two Ends of the Pen
April 12: Brooke Blogs
April 13: Archaeolibrarian – I Dig Good Books!

Leave a comment

Filed under Kensington Publishers, love, Lyrical Author, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women, The Laine Women

#GoddessFishBlogtour Day 17…

Hey kids!! We’re still plodding along on the tour. Today I’m putting on my flying wings because I’m in two place at once again. First, I’m stopping at my dear writing friend Joanne Guidoccio’s blog. Joanne and I go waaaaaay back at the Wild Rose Press. In addition to having a great blog with timely topics and fab guests, she’s an awesome cozy mystery writer and a one-click author for me!. Then I’m hopping over to XOXO Book Blog talking about, well, the book! Stop by, leave love and take a chance in that $50 Amazon gc that’s going to be awarded at the end of the tour ( which is this friday!!!)

2 Comments

Filed under Foodie, Kensington Publishers, love, Lyrical Author, Strong Women, The Laine Women