With Skaters Waltz set to be released into the world in just a week I’m starting to feel a little fretful.
Okay. I’ll admit it. I’m scared sh**less!
I’ve only ever written for me. Just me. I’ve never had to contend with reviews – bad or great – before. I’ve just self edited and self flagellated my work. I can say anything I want to about my work because it’s mine. I really don’t think you can hurt your own feelings, can you? I think that’s written in some psych book somewhere, as a rule: You can’t truly hurt your own feelings.
But other people. Well, other people can destroy you with just a few well placed words of derision and scorn. Other people can take what you’ve spent a life time working on, preparing for, and obsessing over, and in one fell swoop of a pen ( or keyboard stroke) make it all seem worthless and trite.
I never wanted to be an actress because I never wanted to stand in front of people, audition, and then have them tell me “no,” or that I wasn’t good enough. I am just not that strong internally.
So now, with a week left of my writing anonymity, I am a basket case.
My husband and daughter ask, “Why do you care what people think?”
My answers: because if they hate it, they won’t buy it. Because is they think it stinks, they won’t recommend it to friends. Because if it gets bad reviews, EVERYONE will know I’m not good enough.
Okay, so I just read that last part. Emotionally raw? Yes. Ridiculous to worry about? Maybe. Me in a nutshell? Absolutely.
I guess it’s too late now to worry about it. The book goes live on March 4. I took the day off from work – originally to celebrate. Now I think I’ll just stay in my pajamas and hide until the first reviews start to come in.
Good Lord: I actually signed up for this……