Feeling fretful…

With Skaters Waltz set to be released into the world in just a week I’m starting to feel a little fretful.

Okay. I’ll admit it. I’m scared sh**less!

I’ve only ever written for me. Just me. I’ve never had to contend with reviews – bad or great – before. I’ve just self edited and self flagellated my work. I can say anything I want to about my work because it’s mine. I really don’t think you can hurt your own feelings, can you? I think that’s written in some psych book somewhere, as a rule: You can’t truly  hurt your own feelings.

But other people. Well, other people can destroy you with just a few well placed words of derision and scorn. Other people can take what you’ve spent a life time working on, preparing for, and obsessing over, and in one fell swoop of a pen  ( or keyboard stroke) make it all  seem worthless and trite.

I never wanted to be an actress because I never wanted to stand in front of people, audition, and then have them tell me “no,” or that I wasn’t good enough. I am just not that strong internally.

So now, with a week left of my writing anonymity, I am a basket case.

My husband and daughter ask, “Why do you care what people think?”

My answers: because if they hate it, they won’t buy it. Because is they think it stinks, they won’t recommend it to friends. Because if it gets bad reviews, EVERYONE will know I’m not good enough.

Okay, so I just read that last part. Emotionally raw? Yes. Ridiculous to worry about? Maybe. Me in a nutshell? Absolutely.

I guess it’s too late now to worry about it. The book goes live on March 4. I took the day off from work – originally to celebrate. Now I think I’ll just stay in my pajamas and hide until the first reviews start to come in.

Good Lord: I actually signed up for this……

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Feeling fretful…

  1. First off…you are already “good enough” for anything and anyone!
    Now stop being silly…but I’m the same way:(
    Smile, hold your head high and go with all the magic that’s coming
    your way!
    Smile and know that I am thinking of you.
    Can’t wait to read the first of many tales to come from you!

    Hugs, love and friendship always,
    Di
    Xo

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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  2. Mary Morgan

    Oh, Peggy…remember this saying: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt. From the moment my first book was born into the world last summer, I put up my shields. I focused on the positive reviews, quickly read the so, so, and then laughed at the bad one or two (laughter and shouting is good for release, lol!) Yes, my feelings got hurt, but only for a “wee” bit, and then I moved on. It’s all part of the process and those bad reviews did not destroy my book. In fact, I stayed in the bestselling list for six months! Not everyone is going to like/love our books, but I feel blessed that TWRP fell in love with my first book and took a chance on an unknown voice.

    Smile, lift a glass to toast the release, wishing it well, and I will celebrate your release day with you, Peggy! Slainte!

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    • Peggy Jaeger

      Mary – thanks for reminding my of Eleanor’s quote. I have used it several times over the years for girls in my sphere, so I appreciate being reminded of it esp. because it is so true. And I agree- I feel blessed that my editor at TWRP loved the first book enough to take a chance on it. Thanks for the love.

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  3. Peggy Jaeger

    DIANE- you are always a ray of sunshine. Thanks for the love!

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  4. I have to say, I’m feeling your pain. I have loved the process of writing my book and the closer it gets to publication, the more I start to worry about reviews. I don’t take criticism well! But the best piece of advice that I have received when dealing with negative comments was to “consider the source”. Practical, helpful feed back from people you respect is far more important than mean spirited drivel from those who have never even tried to accomplish what you have. Good luck to you! And good on you for putting yourself out there. I look forward to reading it 🙂

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  5. I actually laughed out loud reading your post! Not that I was laughing at you, but it was a somewhat nervous, delirium coming from me. I can totally empathize with you. I have my first book debuting in the months ahead, and I never really got this far in thinking, as you have, right here and now. This is me!! In ten months, however, but me, nonetheless. You’ve officially scared me. What will people think? The only advice I can offer to you is if it fails in any way… you can always try again and pen another name:) Nah, just kidding. (sort of) I’m sure you’ll come off smelling like roses. And, don’t hide in your p.j.’s. (although a really good idea for me when the time comes). Go and celebrate. You deserve it!!!

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    • Peggy Jaeger

      Julieann, it’s like a Dicken’s novel. The Best of times; the worst of times. I’m so excited but really really scared as well. I don’t think I’m the first -or last- writer to feel this way. You won’t be either. Our words are like our children: we never, ever want someone to say something bad or critical about them. My parents taught me that if yu don’t have something nice to say, shut up! Unfortunately, nowadays, that old saw has hit the happy trails. Oh well. At least, it you put it down to the lowest denominator, I DID get a book published, and contracts for 2 more. So that is something. Valium was invented for a reason…

      Like

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