Category Archives: Life challenges

Ideas…I’ve got a million of ’em…

While I was working on my current WIP today, I got sidelined by an idea that wouldn’t go away. I kept shushing it, telling it I would get to it eventually, but I wanted to get my word count in for the day first. Damn idea wouldn’t shut up. It forced me to stop working on what I should have been working on and forced me to pay attention to it.

For two entire hours.

I hate getting sidetracked by pushy ideas.

This usually happens to me when I am deeply asleep, huddled under the comforter, blanketed by warmth and dreams. All of a sudden I will be shot bolt upright, a pushy idea running through the front of my brain, waking me up in a heartbeat and demanding attention. It’s like that sick little kid who comes into your room in the dead of night, wakes you up because he needs to throw up, does, and then goes back to sweet slumber while you are now forced wide awake for the rest of the night.

I used to not get up and write the ideas down. I figured I’d remember them in the morning. Not so much, really. What I did remember when I woke was that I’d had a great idea in the middle of the night but now I couldn’t remember it for the life of me.

That got old really fast so I started getting up and writing the damn things down. Then, and only then, would I be able to get back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, I could remember not a thing, but I had the brilliant idea written down, so, yea!

But now my waking hours are being intruded upon, and I only have so many of them to devote to writing that I am starting to really get annoyed with these pushy, must be dealt with right now  ideas.

Think Ritalin would help?

You’re right: probably not. Oh well. At least I can sleep again.

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Filed under Author, Characters, Contemporary Romance, Life challenges, love, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women

I need more time and less interruptions…

I never seem to have enough time in a day to write the way I want to write.  Make that, write the volume I want to write.

When I’m in the zone, I can sit at my laptop in my writing loft for the entire day and not do anything else but compose. If I am uninterrupted by phone calls, tweets and email announcements, I can pretty much chug along for the whole day. The longest I’ve ever gone is a solid 12 hours with a bathroom break every 2 hours to rid myself of the Diet Mountain Dew I imbibed like it was water.

Kinesiologists will tell you I am probably doing severe  damage to my legs, spinal cord, and butt from sitting in a dependent position all day, and there’s probably some truth to that. When I do get up I tend to be uberstiff and need to stretch all my long muscles to keep them from cramping.

But after I see the volume I’ve typed – the page count that’s been birthed – I know I can live with some muscle cramps if it means I am producing good work.

I hate to be interrupted.

I. Hate. It.

Especially when I am going along a great clip and the dialogue is flowing like pearls from my lips – yes, I speak aloud my dialogue when I write to make sure it sounds correct and like english – the descriptions are all dead on and the exposition isn’t filled with purple prose and platitudes. The plot is moving forward, the characters are growing appropriately and learning from scene to scene.  It feels good, this sense of accomplishment I get when the pages are racking up. I feel like I am putting together a coherent story  that can be followed by the reader, and – hopefully – liked.

But then reality sets in.

The door bell rings and it’s the hot UPS guy with a delivery. The phone pings and it’s a caller I have to talk to, not a telemarketer I can ignore. Dinner time rolls around and I have to cook for the family, not make reservations again for takeout or going out.

Twenty-four hours seems like a lot of time to a writer, but consider the time used in sleeping, eating, working ( if writing is not your means of support) family obligations, and anything else that can literally remove you from your word program. After all that, 24 hours isn’t so much.

If I get a solid hour or two on a working day, at least it’s something. On my days off, I strive for much more.

Sometimes I hit that goal, most times, not.

So, since I can’t wring out more than 24 hours in any given day, let’s try this instead: I won’t answer the phone – in fact I’ll put my cell to silent and then just check on it periodically. I’ll get all the chores of daily life done first and then devote the rest of my freedom to writing. I won’t answer emails, troll Facebook, or update my Twitter feed while I am writing. I will let it all go sideways, and straighten it out when I am done creating.

Sound like a plan?
Yeah, a really hard one to carryout…..sigh….

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When the HEA, isn’t….

With the sad news of Robin William’s passing, I’m reflecting today on what makes each person’s happily ever after ending, and why, when it seems like someone has everything, they still have despair in their hearts.

I know he suffered from deep depression. My background, as some of you may  know, is in psychiatric nursing. I’ve been around deeply depressed people for most of my life both professionally and personally, and I know the real horror when someone feels there is no hope left and suicide is the only option to end  the pain and suffering.

Mr. Williams was a man who, on the outside, appeared to everything his heart could desire. An icon status career, multiple professional accolades and awards, three beautiful, loving children and a spouse who adored him. His talent was beyond description. He was the end goal every comedian wanted for themselves: talented, rich, respected, successful.

Why then, wasn’t  this enough?

Or, was it too much?

Was it, in fact, too much to deal with? Having a stellar career,  constantly being  in the public eye, never knowing who really likes you for you and not because you’re famous? I tend to think when people have achieved such a pinnacle of success the only place they feel for them to go now is downward. That thought alone can spark a depression that is biting.

Actors aren’t the only people who are held to levels the average mortal isn’t.The list of iconic writers who have killed themselves because of depression is a long one. It includes, but isn’t limited to, John Kennedy Toole Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, This is a short list of 20th century writers who found the path to death easier than dealing with life. Unfortunately, a Google search will give you many – too many – more.

We never really know what goes on in another person’s mind. We can try to walk in their shoes and attempt to understand what they are going through, but we will never know the true sense of what they feel, experience, and fear.

Happily ever afters occur in books, Romances,in particular. But in real life, the ever after is fraught with sometimes insurmountable  life situations and concerns.

If you know someone who is depressed or suffering from depression-like symptoms, extend a hand, mentally and physically. Sometimes, the time frame between a person acting on their thoughts and being helped is a millisecond.

Everyone deserves their HEA, in fiction and real life.

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Settling in, kinda

I’m finally coming down off cloud 9, where I’ve been for the past week since I heard my book is going to be published by The Wild Rose Press. It’s been a loco week with family, friends and writing friends Facebooking and Tweeting me. Can you make Facebook a verb? I think I just did.

Anyway.

I’m not sitting back and enjoying this 24/7. I’ve been concentrating on pulling together several other stories I’ve written in the hopes of getting them into print as well. I’ve logged a lot of typing miles on my laptop this past week and I’ve got a lot of work to show for it.

This got me thinking: I have two real jobs now – the one I get paid for every two weeks and now this writing/publishing hat I’ve put on.  Where am I going to get the time to do both jobs well, plus maintain my life? How am I going to be able to  budget the time to do all of this: life’s dream and the reality of still pulling in a paycheck. Not to mention laundry, housework, cooking, seeing friends and family and being a great wife?

It’s a little mind boggling when you think about it.

I can usually multitask well – or at least it was well until I hit menopause. Now, I’m scattered at times and not easily able to get it all back on track. There are only so many workable hours in the day, and even though I don’t sleep well – or a lot – it’s still going to be a major adjustment to find the time that  I will need to devote to edits, when they arrive, and then do all the marketing and publicity necessary in order to actually sell a few books.

Or a million.

I need a plan. Any ideas? I appreciate any and all responses no matter how trite or intricate they seem to be. And thanks in advance.

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Filed under Author, Contemporary Romance, Life challenges, love, MacQuire Women, Romance, Romance Books, Skater's Waltz

I’m a Writer…or am I?

I had this discussion with a woman today who isn’t a writer and never wants to be one. She asked if someone wasn’t published commercially, or getting paid to write, could they actually call themselves “a Writer?”  When my jaw came up off the floor, I resisted the impulse to hit her because I thought educating her might be the better way to go – plus, I didn’t feel like spending the afternoon in jail. To her ridiculous question, I asked one of my own: “Why is getting paid your benchmark for calling a person a writer?” She just stared at me. I could see the rusty cogs twirling in her head as she tried to formulate an answer. When she just shrugged, I knew victory was mine.

I gave her several examples to back up my assertion that getting paid for something  isn’t the end all be all of defining what a person does in life. Example number 1: Actors. I think  the statistic is something like 1 in 5000 people who put the profession ACTOR on their taxes, actually makes any or enough money to support themselves. But they are still actors. They train, educate themselves about their craft, go on job interviews ( called Auditions), do preparatory work on their bodies like keep in shape, and on their faces to keep looking good. They may not be getting the salary George Clooney is getting for their acting work – or any money at all for it – but they still define themselves a actors.

Example number 2: Artists – the painting and drawing kind. I can give all the same reasoning as in the above paragraph, and these individuals still call themselves artists.

Now, to writers, I told her. By now she was rolling her eyes and I could see she had regrets about ever asking me the question. I have been writing for almost 45 years. Of those 45 years, I can truly say I have never been able to support myself financially with my chosen profession. I have had a lot – A LOT – of stuff published. Some paid for, most not. The fact that I could not live on what I did make writing has not for one scintilla of a second ever prevented me from calling myself a writer.

I write. Every day.

It’s that simple.

I write this blog. I write romantic fiction. I write murder mysteries.

If I never, ever get a publishing contract, I will still write.

I write, therefore I AM a writer.

I don’t think she’ll be asking me that question again anytime soon.

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This is me, Leaning in. Or trying to…

So I arrived for the 2014 RWA conference today in San Antonio, TX and I’m already overwhelmed! The check in bag  I was given at the conference registration had 10 – count’ em, 10 free books in it, along with a travel RWA mug, some pens, and a few small items of swag. 10 books! just at sign in. I’m told that every time you go to a group breakfast or dinner, you get more free books.

I didn’t pack a big enough suitcase to bring all this home!

There are soooooo many attendees at this conference. I’ll admit that is a little overwhelming as well. It takes me fifteen minutes to get to the lobby every time I leave my room because there are so many RWA people here, and not enough elevators for all of them – and that’s saying a lot because there are tons of elevators! I will also admit that I don’t necessary like to put myself out there and infringe on a group of people to introduce myself. I usually wait until ( or if,) someone introduces them self to me, before I start speaking. It’s not that I’m rude or even shy. I just don’t really ever think anyone wants to meet me.

Dumb, yes. Thy name is Margaret-Mary.

Anyway, tomorrow the conference officially starts and I am determined to introduce myself to people and to try and make a good impression on whomever I meet.

For this first night I am sitting in my absolutely fabulous hotel room, alone, penning this blog and trying to gird my loins against my inner angst at meeting new people. All my RWA- NH Chapter-mates have told me what a welcoming and wonderful group  RWA is. But even so, I know I need to make the effort and put myself out there, and push myself forward.

Say a prayer for me.

Or two or three.

Heck, say a novena and be done with it.

This is me, kids…leaning in. Or trying to.

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Filed under Contemporary Romance, Life challenges, Romance, RWA, Strong Women

Doubts…I’ve got doubts

So, today I’ve been struggling with my motivation to keep on writing. Nothing is really happening, career-wise, right now for me with regards to publishing, and I’m beginning to let the doubt monsters creep into my brain every now and again. They settle in, like parasites, robbing me of my positive mojo, and make me doubt every word I pen. ( or in my case, type) These negative thoughts creep in, insidiously, trying to take over my creativity and confidence.

Nothing sparks these episodes, not really. But small events do make me realize what a long road I still have left to travel towards publication. The announcement of an acquaintance getting a book contract; the pride when a colleague tells me they’ve landed an agent; hearing about an upcoming release of yet another book by my favorite author.

None of these things singularly is enough to set me off on my spiral of self-doubt. But collectively, they can and do make me doubt myself as a writer.

The only way – aside from heavy medication, which I won’t do! – to get the negativities off my back, is for me to remember why I write in the first place. Publication was never the end goal for me. I know when I tell that to some people they roll their eyes and say, “Really?” with such disbelief that it’s comical, but it’s true. I didn’t start writing with the hope of being the next Nora Roberts or J.K. Rowling. I started writing again last year as an outlet for my creativity. I had so many  voices ( the good kind) swirling around in my head with stories to tell, I just wanted to give them an outlet. When I realized there were other people like me out there, with stories to tell and voices to let free, I began to see my writing in a different way. A few contest wins and suddenly I thought I might have something someone might actually want to publish. That goal became the paramount one – getting what I’d written letter perfect for an editor in the hopes that it would be purchased and published. I moved away from the goal in my heart.

Then, when publication didn’t happen in the millisecond I thought it would, I got depressed. Not “you need to talk me off a ledge” depressed, just a little down about the circumstances. Again, I forgot about the goal in my heart.

Today, during the self-doubt-a-thon hour I allowed myself, I wrote the following words on a piece of paper and taped it to the window in front of me. Remember WHY you write.

Now, when those nasty parasitic negativities come creeping back in, all I need to do is glance at that little piece of paper and they are once again banished to the outer recesses of my psyche.

Remember why you write.

Four little words that have the strength of ten thousand fighters.

 

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Why I re-read my “how to” books

Someone who read a recent blog of mine blog asked me “why do you re-read your old writing texts and “how to” books? Didn’t you get enough out of them the first time? Did you miss important stuff? Instead of answering the question directly, I asked this instead: “Haven’t you ever read something – a book,or an article – that was just so good you read it again just for the pleasure of it?” The answer I got back was typical of most people: “No. Once I read something, that’s it. I’m done.”

A sad, but a very common occurrence among  people. Most people will see a movie more than once if they like it – this is evidenced based fact: look at how many movie DVD’s are sold each and every day, not rented. Or, they will listen to a song endlessly. But to re-read a favored book? Not happening.

I’ve read Gone with the Wind  11 times. Cover to cover. And I could read it again tomorrow if I had the time to devote to it.

I’ve read To Kill A Mockingbird 8 times. I can quote descriptions and dialogue when prompted.

Last year I re-read every “In Death” book by J.D.Robb again, starting with the first one in the series, Naked in Death and finishing with the most current one Concealed in Death, straight out. I didn’t read anything else until I finished all of them. Re-reading the list in order, the way it was written, was very powerful for me.  I could see and watch how J.D.Robb grew her characters with each book, building on their personalities, using their individual backgrounds to advance the plot and the series characters themselves. It was  like taking a master class on how to develop character and plot arcs effectively. I gleamed so much valuable information and writing development wisdom from re-reading the series that has helped me enormously with my own writing.

To me, re-reading a favored book is more pleasurable than seeing a favored movie over and over again. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve seen The Birdcagat least two dozen times – and every time I laugh while I quote the dialogue! But to spend time to re-read a book, one that gave you such treasured hours of pleasure, one that, every time you read it, you learn something new, or find something new from, something you didn’t see before, is to me one of life’s most wonderful ways to spend a few hours.

Re-reading my writing craft books and texts brings me the same pleasure, because every time – EVERY TIME – I find something, some tidbit, some phrase of wisdom, I didn’t see when I read it the last time. And to me, that is time so valuably spent.

What’s your favorite book? When was the last time you read it? Why not get reacquainted and read it again? Believe me, you’ll be happy when you do.

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Is your writing a hobby, a job, or a business?

The last habit in Barbara Wallace’s article “Seven Habits of Effective Writers” in the June 2014 edition of RWA Romance Writers Report magazine, is to treat your writing career as you would a small business. Businesses grow and do well when they evaluate what sells, market to it, continue to learn through conferences and networking, and give the public – (read READER here) what they want, and never stop producing.

My dream used to be to sell a book. One book. I figured I’d be happy with that. One book would be a legacy for me, proof that I’d done what I set out to do: write a good book and get it published.

I realize now this isn’t enough. When I get my first adult book into print ( notice I said when, not if!) I know I will not sit back and go gently into the good night, resting on my one publishing laurel. No. I will need to continue writing, continue marketing, continue networking, learning, and growing as an author. I will learn more about the changing publishing business – and it is a business, after all, because you want people to read your work and to do that they have to buy it – and will adapt, and change as an author myself along the way. This is a career for me. It is the next chapter in my life and I want to be as successful at it as I have with the previous chapters and endeavors.

Before my work is ever published, I already have my marketing plan for it in place. I have my networks, contacts, mailing lists. I’ve set up my website, my Facebook account, and lined up my Twitter followers. I’m LinkedIn and Pinned, Googled and Blogged. I have my capital budget set up and know the price of advertising. I’ve flirted already with interviews and guest bloggings, and I’m ready to launch a book tour – virtual and real.

When I get “the Call,” I will be ready. This is serious business to me. And it is serious business to every other successful, effective author.

Read the first chapter of my award winning new contemporary romance book Cooking with Kandy. Click on this link for a preview: https://peggyjaeger.com/about/read-all-about-it-2/

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All it takes is one “yes.”

Recently, I was a guest blogger at NHRWA author Mary K. Stone’s blog  http://marykstoneblog.com/ I decided to upload that entry to my site as well, so check it out here and then visit her website to see what she’s up to.

I’ve loved crossword puzzles since I learned how to spell, probably because I love words so much. My favorite birthday present when I turned 8? A dictionary.

So, what’s a 9 letter word for: refusal, dismissal, forsaking?

Here’s a hint: the answer starts with an r, ends in ion and can make you cry your eyes out and eat an entire package of Milano cookies in one sitting. Make that 2 packages.

Got it yet? Yup. REJECTION.

Some other words used to define rejection include: turning down, spurning, repudiation, and, my absolute favorite: the brush-off.

As a writer I have experienced my fair – and unfair – share of rejection from everyone from editors to literary agents, to publishers. I‘ve had synopses discarded, proposals denounced, queries snubbed, and outlines slighted.

I’ve been rejected in person, in print, in emails, in snail-mail, via phone and even once in a text.

I’ve experienced rude rejections (Ms. Jaeger, please do not query us again as we do not accept what you write) and form letter rejections ( Dear Writer: Thank you for your submission. We will not be asking for any further work from you)

Being a writer is fraught with enough problems without adding rejections to it. Finding time to write, liking what your write, having other people like what you write; editing, revising, restructuring; plot arc construction, motivation, goals and conflicts for the characters; deciding on a setting, theme, names of characters. The list is as long as my ingredients list for fruitcake!

The first time I ever got a piece I ‘d written rejected by an editor, I was 25. I’d already had over a dozen fictional story stories published in literary magazines, and had been writing non-fiction articles concerning health care and nursing for several years. I’d sent an article proposal based on my master’s thesis to a well-known nursing journal that had already published me twice before. I thought the topic was very timely and felt it would make a great addition to their monthly publication. I waited three months for a reply. Just as I was about to call them – this was eons before email was available and we were ALLOWED to call editors, I received a form rejection letter. Not even addressed to me personally, just “Dear Writer…” The editor stated the topic for the article was not relevant for their publication and that they were not going to ask for the article in its entirety.

Was I crushed? You betcha. Was I pissed off? To say the least. Did I want literary revenge? Hell, yeah! Did I do anything about it? Of course I did. When I finished the gallon of Cherry Garcia that I kept hidden in my freezer for emotional emergencies, I queried another nursing journal, telling them everything I’d told the first one. I got an actual phone call (remember, no email, no texting, no cells phones in the 80’s) from the Editor-in-Chief who wanted the article for their July issue, which would be featuring my UBER-RELEVANT topic from other health professionals.

The takeaway I got from this experience? Not everyone is going to like what you write. But someone will.

Flash forward several years to when I started writing book length fiction. When I was done with my first masterpiece, I began the literary agent query route. I sent out over 75 queries to agents all over the U.S. who specialized in representing what I wrote at the time: medical thrillers. Over 95 % of the responses I got back were form rejection letters addressed to “Dear Writer…” Three agents actually addressed me by name and told my why the weren’t choosing to represent my work, and two asked me to change the book completely around to what they thought might sell, and then they would consider – maybe –representing me.

When the box of Dunkin’ Donuts was gone, I picked up one of the responses I received that actually had been positive. I still have this rejection letter in my file cabinet today. The part that stuck out so plainly to me read: “While I do not feel I can devote the time and attention to representing this work that it needs, please be assured, you are a very good writer, and it only takes one person to say “yes” for you to be published. Unfortunately, I’m not that person, but I believe she or he is out there and that you will connect with them. Good luck, and I know I will see your name on a book jacket some day.”

 This was without doubt the nicest rejection I had ever received up until that time, and, to this day. If all rejection letters could be written this way, I believe we would have a lot less depressed authors milling about.

Now, the takeaway I got from this letter? You got it; same as before: not everyone is gong to like what your write. But someone will.

It only takes that one someone – be it an agent, editor, or publisher, and all those rejections that have been lining your file cabinet drawers will seem inconsequential and irrelevant. Or they will even seem like what they really are: the dues you’ve paid for persistence and perseverance.

As a writer, rejection of your work is part of the road you will travel on your way to publication. Yes, it hurts for someone to tell you they don’t like or want your work. Yes, it blows big time to have someone in a position of literary power tell you what you’ve written is not pertinent or that they don’t know how they could market it effectively. And yes, it destroys your soul when you’re rejected flat out, with no reason why, in a dry worded form letter.

But…

It only takes one editor, or literary agent, or publisher to say “YES.”

 

 

 

 

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