Tag Archives: #amwriting #amblogging

An open letter…

Hey, Kids.

I’ve wanted to write this for a long time, but…life gets in the way, and things happen, and I just didn’t feel as if I was able to put into words exactly how I feel.

But now is as good a time as any, I think, especially with the publishing world the way it is.

You all know I started out as a traditionally published author back in 2015. The fabulous Rhonda Penders, RJ Morris, and their company, The Wild Rose Press, took a chance on a chubby, menopausal, bottle blonde, frustrated writer ( Me!) and published my book SKATER’S WALTZ, which, again – if you know me – know was written between the hours of 1 and 3 am for 3 months, while I was going thru the worst menopausal night sweats Mother Nature ever bestowed.

After that, and through the past 9 years, I’ve had over 16 titles published with them and have had a wonderful experience with this nurturing publisher.

Along the way, I pitched to various other publishers at conferences and was lucky enough to score contracts with three others: Kensington/Lyrical, Limitless, and Magnolia.

Then, I decided to explore indie publishing (self-publishing) because I was dropped by one of those publishers without any reason and already had three more books in the series ready to go. I decided to publish them on my own, and since then, I have almost exclusively self-published. One of those publishers went out of business, and the other decided three books were enough for me to prove I was worthy of more contracts.( p.s., I wasn’t in their eyes.)

No shade, just fact.

Now, all this happened without the benefit of a literary agent. I’ve pitched to many agents over the years, both in query letters and in person, and no one has ever taken me on as a client, one even telling me point blank at a meeting she “didn’t like my voice.”

Yeah, let’s just talk about how fragile my ego was for months after that why don’t we?

Sarcasm aside, no agent and now no publishing house, and the self-pub route is my go-to.

I tell you all this because – if you don’t already know – self-pubbing is hard work. Really hard. You are a business of 1. You are the writer, the editor, the cover designer, the promoter, the distributor, the publicist, everything that there are several people on a team doing in a traditional pubbing house.

If you self-publish, you are IT! CEO and all the minions underneath that.

Now, if you have the money to, you can pay people you contract to design your covers, do your edits, your publicity, and your distribution.

Notice I said that you can do all those things IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO.

I, and I’m not ashamed to admit this because it is the truth, am not independently wealthy, nor do I work outside the house. I left my job once I got that first publishing contract and, truthfully, have never looked back.

So, I do it all.

And I mean ALL.

I write the story, edit it, design the covers for the books, and format the manuscripts. I am in charge of uploading the books to a publishing company, aka Amazon. I am in charge of any and all publicity to promote those books. I am the one who must call indie booksellers to get my works into their stores (Quick Aside, I have been in only one.) I have to order proof copies and find arc readers for them. I have to design ads, graphics, and publicity shots for promotion. I decide what the prices are, where the books are distributed, and then I am the CFO to keep all the expenses in check. I have to find unique ways to market my books so they stand out from the other 100,000 indie books that are pubbed every week.

In a nutshell…I am it. All of it.

And I’m tired.

I’m tired of making self-promotion videos every day for my books that only a handful of people see.

I’m tired of trying to find new readers on platforms that confuse me, like TikTok and Instagram. The algorithm doesn’t support my stuff, so about 200 people see my videos every day, and they are already following me. Plus, I hate doing those promos. I am, basically, an introvert and not a salesperson. Those two combined do not make for an enigmatic speaker or “hawker.”

I’m tired of seeing zero sales on my Amazon royalty sheets, months at a clip. If I had to support myself financially, I wouldn’t be able to and therefore wouldn’t be able to write. I’d need to go back into the workforce at 64 years old. Yeah, how many job opportunities are there for someone like me? I hear Walmart is hiring.

I’m tired of doing everything every day with no help. I don’t have a PA and can’t afford to pay one because — no sales. Vicious cycle, much??

I can’t afford to attend big book signings with multi-authors anymore because of the expense involved. Table fees, hotels, gas, plus purchasing the books that I hope will sell and yet never do. Also, since I am a business of 1, I have to schlep everything to the sites, set it up, and be responsible for sales, self-promotion, and inventory. My brain is only so big, Kids. Only so big.

I have to admit this here, even if it makes me look like a loser, but it’s demoralizing and soul-killing to go to a big signing and have hundreds of people walk by your table on their way to a “bigger name” or someone they already follow, and never even make eye contact with you, or dismiss you and your table with a glance. I am the type of person who will try and establish a connection with people I don’t know at signings, but I must come across as weird or desperate(!) because 9 times out of 10, readers just walk by. Some smile. Some make a comment telling me they don’t read what I write. Yeah…demoralizing.

Pity party, table for one?

That’s the way this is sounding right now, and I don’t want it to be a whine fest.

But…it’s also ego-crushing when you know authors who have written books that are – let’s just say, not great literature – making a killing in sales, propelling the writer to celebrity status, and you know – you know! – the stuff she writes is crap.

And that makes me sound petulant and childish and jealous, but…pot, meet kettle and call her Peggy.

Do I still query literary agents even after all this time? Yes.

Do I still receive form letter rejections from them? Absolutely. Weekly. My total of negative responses to queries is up to 503 right at this moment.

Have I tried unique ways to get new followers through giveaways, both on Goodreads and other platforms? Yes. The results have been okay at times, poor at most, and just served to lessen my savings account total and not garnered me any new followers or readers who want to read more of my stuff.

Last year I spent over $10,000 on book signings ( travel, hotel, table fees, books), and my total income from them was only $798.00. Not even girl math can make those numbers make sense in the real world.

If I owned my own business I would have declared bankruptcy by now. Hell, five years ago!

Every day I ask myself why am I doing this? Why am I setting myself up for hurt and failure once again? Is there something in me that has a pain/pleasure response ( not to get kinky!) But who enjoys failing so many times? And I know the knee-jerk response is that “you are not a failure. Look at all you have done.”

I get that argument. I really do.

But… having a sound ego about your accomplishments is one thing. Going broke trying to attain those accomplishments? Quite another.

And every day, the only answer I can come up with to my question – because it’s the truth – is that I love to write. Writing truly is, as my website states, my oxygen.

So…moving forward and leaving the pity-me train…

I am cutting back severely on the number of big book signings I am doing in 2025, and I am going to concentrate on simply writing and doing smaller signings, where the table fees and/or travel expenses are zero or at least affordable. I have already contracted to do four big signings next year and will honor those. ROMANCY CNY in April 2025, ROMANTICON in July, and BOOKSBOOKSBOOKS in September and A VERY MERRY BOOKMAS in December. But that is it for the biggies.

I do have a few smaller, more intimate ones on the line, too, thankfully.

Hopefully, I will get asked to do a few library or more local ones along the way.

For now, though, it’s break time.

I still write every day and I still have a 2024/2025/2026 book schedule for new releases that is live. 2 more this year; 10 in 2025 ( 6 reprints on books I got the rights back on) and 4 newbies; 4 newbies in 2026.

Let’s see what 2025 does for my sales bottom line. If it improves, I may come back into the world of bigger and better multiauthor signings.

But for now… I’m gonna be on the sidelines for a bit, just writing, because…I’m tired. And I love writing. Just…writing.

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#tuesdaytease 7.23.24

So I don’t give teasers on things I’m still working on for a first draft, but today, I feel like being different.

LOL.

On the docket for a 2025 release ( don’t ask me why because i don’t know the date!) is another FBI book. This one’s not about Kella and the SPCD team, but a totally different story and team. The title is CHILDREN OF THE PROPHET. I have the cover, so ta-da…

Once upon a time I was obsessed with WACO, JONESTOWN, MANSON, et al, and read everything I could about cults. When the 25th anniversary of WACO happened a few years, I started to get an idea. What happened to the kids? What happened to the children who were taken before the tragic fire? Where were they today and how were they faring?

An idea sparked: write about them. But make it a suspense about how the past never really dies. So, COTP was imagined.

Here’s a little of the opening…. and remember- this is raw and unedited, so don’t come at me for spelling/typos/tense issues.

Not yet, anyway (LOL)

Chapter 1

Tuesday night, June 28, 6 p.m.

 “Have a good night, Dr. Engersol.”

Blythe smiled at her nurse. “You too, Penny. And thanks for all your help today. I couldn’t have gotten through it without you.”

“It was a busy one, that’s for sure.”

Since she was a firm believer in speaking stuff into the universe you wanted to happen, Blythe said,  “Here’s hoping tomorrow is a little easier.”

“Your lips to God’s ears.”

Blythe hadn’t believed in a God for a while, so she simply bobbed her head once as she slid her car keys out of her purse.

The parking lot was empty save for her old and reliable Subaru and Penny’s new SUV.

Settled behind the wheel, Blythe sighed, long and deep. Exhaustion oozed from every cell in her body. Penny’s statement had been spot-on. It had been a busy day. Twenty-eight office patients in addition to the two she’d seen at the hospital before starting her official hours. As one of only three family practice docs in the small rural town, Blythe’s days were typically long and demanding. Today, more so than usual.

Too tired to even think about cooking, she pulled her cell from her purse and gave in to a craving she’d been feeling for weeks by ordering a loaded pizza for pickup from the town’s only pizzeria. It wouldn’t hurt to have one night devoid of salads and organically grown and grass fed proteins. Besides, Joy loved pizza.

After placing the order, she pulled out of the parking lot and called home. When the answering machine clicked on she was mildly surprised. Her nanny typically picked up.

“Hey, you two,” Blythe said after the recording ding signaled. “You’re probably out back playing on this lovely evening. Just wanted to give you a head’s up. I’ll be home in about twenty. Just heading to Ralph’s to pick up a pizza for dinner. And I can practically hear you clapping, Joy Charity Engersol. Set the table and I’ll see you both in a bit.”

The main street of Cable, New Hampshire, population 25,678, boasted a local pharmacy, a Quick-E-mart, a real estate office and three bars, in addition to two family style diners, one Chinese food restaurant, and Ralphs, the local –and to date only – town pizzeria. The police and fire departments bookended the wide street, with City Hall nestled smack in the middle between them. The north side of the street housed the Catholic church, the south side the Lutheran one. If a family practiced Judaism they needed to drive a half hour to the next town over to attend Temple. The hometown newspaper, which put out two weekly editions and a Sunday special, ran its operation from the old Woolworth building situated next to the police station.

Cable’s hospital was small but served the community of the five surrounding towns and villages well. Gossip had it a big health care conglomerate was looking to purchase the facility. Blythe heard the rumor from one of the hospital nurses a week ago, but nothing else since. As one of only five attending physicians in town, she figured she’d be approached one of these days about the proposed takeover. Was it bad of her to hope it never happened? She loved the small, insular community where she’d built her practice while raising her daughter. Neighbors knew one another, greeted each other on the streets in passing, but were private enough not to encroach ask too many questions or dig too deep into pasts.

The parking lot of Ralph’s was busy for at Tuesday June night. Once school let out for the year, the pizza joint – a favorite with the middle and high school crowd, would be packed every night until curfews were called and well-meaning parents intruded on the private lives of their offspring.

Thank God Joy is only ten. I don’t know how I’m going cope when she turns into a teenager.

Blythe figured if she still believed in prayer, she’d be sending up quite a few when her daughter’s teen years rolled around. Since she no longer did, she’d need to find an alternative to dealing with what she hoped wouldn’t be a moody, angsty teen like she saw every day in her practice.

Blythe eased her car into a vacant spot. The noise level inside Ralph’s brought forth memories of the early morning egg gatherings she’d been raised on. The hens would cluck, cackle and squawk when she’d reach under them to grab their morning contribution to breakfast, many times aiming a well-honed sharp beak at her roaming hand.

“Hey, Doc, “ Ralph Tremont called from behind the counter. “Yours is coming up in about five minutes.”

Blythe waved and miraculously spotted an empty two-seat table in a corner. After making a beeline for it, she sat and pulled out her phone. There were no messages or texts from either Joy or MaryElena.

Odd.

She dialed her home number again, then her nanny’s cell her gaze taking in the packed pizza parlor. While the phone rang, she spotted Benjamin Reed enter, remove his hat, then run his gaze around the room. It was a gesture she’d seen the police chief make often, and one which she was well versed in making as well.

His gaze lit on her and a tiny nod accompanied by a half smile came her way. Mary Elena’s answering machine kicked in right then, so she left a message, this time ending with call me before disconnecting.

“Seems like this is the hot spot to be tonight,” Ben said as he maneuvered his way to her table. “’Evening, Doc.”

“Chief.”

Blythe pasted a smile on her face. Since moving to Cable and taking over the job from the then retiring chief Dudley Comstock, Ben Reed had made an impression with the town elders as a staunch civil servant and with the females of the community as an eligible bachelor. Word on the street had it the man had never been married. If the available women of the town had anything to say about it, that situation was going to be corrected as soon as possible.

“Having dinner out tonight?” he asked, lifting a foot to a chair rung and leaning an elbow on his bent leg. His stance was calculated to give off a relaxed and easygoing vibe. It only served to put Blythe on edge. The attention of government authorities, police in particular, always made her nervous.

“Waiting for a pie to go,” she told him. “Special treat for tonight.”

“Special, eh? Someone’s birthday?”

It took everything in her to keep the tepid smile on her face.

Why were the police always so nosy? And why was Ben Reed so interested in her?

“Nope. Just a long day and I don’t feel like cooking.”

“I hear ya. Some weeks it seems like I live on take-out because I don’t have time to cook a decent meal. Long days turn into long nights way too often.”

Blythe knew decorum dictated she should ask the man to sit, but a well healed caution and lifelong distrust of lawmen kept her from the offer. She did wonder, though, how a tiny community like Cable could be so full of criminal acts to keep the chief of police up late at night. One of the main reasons she’d decided to come and settle in the area was its reportedly low crime rate.

Instead of giving voice to the question, Blythe gave him her version of a sympathetic expression, the one she used on people who tried to get her to open up and talk about her past.

Reed must have taken her bland smirk as a silent invitation to sit down and commiserate while they waited, because he nodded and he pulled out the chair. Blythe’s pulse kicked up a few beats. Just when it looked like she’d be forced to make unwanted and benign small talk with the man, Ralph called her name from the counter. She couldn’t rein in the relieved sigh that blew from her lips when she stood. Reed halted in his tracks.

“Well, that’s me. Enjoy your dinner, Chief Reed.”  She gave him a hopefully not too bright smile and jogged up to the cash register.

The heat from Reed’s gaze as he tracked her while she paid and then bolted from the place burned a hole dead center in her back. She didn’t need to look over her shoulder to know he was following her with his eyes. With shaking hands she hit the fob on her key ring, opened the passenger side door and tossed the boxed pizza on to the seat with more vigor than she’d intended.

Great. The cheese’ll probably be stuck to the top now.

With an exasperated breath, she put the car in drive, checked her mirrors and pulled out of the parking lot. One quick look out the drivers’ side window and she spotted Ben Reed standing in the doorway to Ralph’s, his hat still in his hand, his eyes still trained on her.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out the man was interested in her. It wasn’t coincidence that he routinely showed up where ever she found herself, be it the gas station when she was filling up and he just happened to drive the squad in for a few added gallons, or those times she’d been going down one aisle in the quick-e-mart, tossing items in her shopping cart, only to spot him coming from the opposite direction, an empty basket dangling from his arm. Or even tonight as he just happened to come into Ralph’s on the one night she’d decided pizza for dinner was a good thing.

The man was interested and letting her know it without coming right out and saying so.

Not that she’d ever encouraged him. One thing Blythe knew for certain was getting personally involved with a man of the law was something to be avoided at all costs. But she also knew drawing attention to herself was the wrong thing to do as well and while she drove down Main Street, she gave herself a few choice words about how her behavior might churn up the Chief’s curiosity. Blythe didn’t need anyone being curious about her. Being curious lead to all manner of things she wanted to avoid at all costs.

Turning from the paved county road onto the winding, gravel-strewn one leading to her home, Blythe told herself to calm down, take a breath, and forget about it. Ben Reed was just a man. One she didn’t need and had no thought she ever would.

She hit the garage door opener and pulled in. With the still-piping hot pizza box in her hand, she came into the kitchen from the garage connecting door.

The room was empty and a quick glance at the table showed her it hadn’t been set.

“Hey, I’m home and I’ve got chow. Where are you, two?”

There were two glasses on the kitchen counter, small chunks of not-melted yet ice in the bottoms. The rest of the kitchen was spotless, a testament to MaryElena’s mild cleaning OCD.

Blythe moved from the kitchen to the hallway.

“Joy? MaryElena?”

Her voice echoed through the house.

The afternoon sun was low now, the living room still lit well from the sun filtering through the glass patio doors. They were closed and a quick peek through the glass into the fenced-in backyard showed it empty, the swing set still, the patio furniture in place and unused.

“Where the heck are you two?”

Mild irritation laced her voice.

Methodically, Blythe moved about the house. First, to her nanny’s tiny bedroom off the kitchen, which smelled faintly of roses from the air freshener that sat on top of the small dresser. The bed was made, as always, the hospital corners crisp and tight, the room neat without a speck of dust.  

Then, on to the den.

Empty. The television was cold when Blythe touched it.

Up the stairs to the second floor. Joy’s bedroom to the right of the staircase was its usual chaos of strewn outfits she’d tried on for the day flung across her bed, her required summer reading books on the floor next to it, and a few dresser drawers partly opened. Her daughter’s habit of pulling clothing items from her closet and drawers and never putting anything back in place was a growing concern to a mother who liked everything Marie Kondo tidy.

The bathrooms next, then on to her own bedroom, and the small home office she’d fashioned for herself. All appeared as she’d left them that morning.

“This is ridiculous,” she murmured to the empty rooms. Annoyance pushed the mild irritation to the sidelines. “You could have at least left me a note.”

She tugged her phone from her pocket and pressed her Nanny’s speed dial number again.

Somewhere in the house, the ringtone MaryElena had assigned to her employer pinged, soft and faint.

“What the—”

Blythe followed the sound. Down the stairs to the first level. Through the hallway.

It was louder in the kitchen, but still muffled.

It’s coming from the basement.

A growing sense of unease pushed the previous pique away.

Blythe slowly pulled open the basement door only to have the noise stop abruptly. With a shaky finger, she pressed the speed dial again. Within seconds, the tone started up, the sound jingling up the stairs. Blythe reached out a hand and flicked the light switch on the wall to illuminate the darkened room below her.

Cautiously, she took each step down the wooden staircase, gripping the handrail with fingers now visibly trembling. The basement was the one area in the house she’d yet to refinish, promising herself at least twice a year she’d call a contractor and a painter to make the area which ran the length of the house a space where Joy could bring her friends to play and hang out. A finished basement always added to the resale value of a house, too, something Blythe kept in the back of her mind at all times.

Step by step she slowly descended the wooden stairs, one hand clinging to her phone, the other the rail. The stairs were as old as the house and needed to be redone along with the basement. They creaked and groaned with each move Blythe took from one to the next. There was no way she could be silent as she descended. At the bottom rung, the ring tone cut out again, but not before Blythe ascertained it was coming from the laundry room off to the left of the staircase.

“MaryElena? Joy? You guys down here?”

Silence surrounded her.

“If this is some kind of prank, I’m not amused.”

Willing her feet to move, Blythe cautiously crept towards the laundry room, holding her cell phone out in front of her as if it were a weapon.

“I swear, Joy Charity Engersol, I will ground you until you’re fifty if something jumps out at me.”

Placing one hand on the doorjamb separating the laundry area from the basement proper, Blythe angled her body behind the wall and peeked her head into the tiny room. Nothing, as she’d feared, flew out at her.

But an odor she was intimately familiar with, did. The metallic, copper-filled stench of fresh blood hit her hard and hot. A swell of nausea pushed at her throat.  At the same time she understood what it was, she saw the cause.

“Oh, sweet Jesus.”

Blythe bent to the fallen form of her nanny. The young girl was on her back, her arms flung out at her sides, her right leg bent at a critical angle. Her neck was sliced from ear to ear, blood from the wound a crimson colored wave. That told the doctor in Blythe whatever had attacked her had done so very recently. Vacant, brown eyes, the irises beginning to glaze over, stared up at Blythe. MaryEllen’s cell phone was gripped between her fingers.

Even instinctively knowing the girl was dead, Blythe’s training forced her to check for a heartbeat. She pushed two fingers to the girl’s outstretched wrist, waited, and felt nothing.

Blythe bolted upright. Her gaze darted around the small space searching for her daughter.

“Joy?” This time she allowed her voice to scream the name, over and as she ran around the width of the basement, throwing open the doors to storage closets nestled into two of the faux walls. When they proved empty, she catapulted back up the stairs at a breakneck speed.

“Joy?” The power behind her shriek made the chandelier in the dining room tremble.

Heart banging against her chest Blythe punched in the emergency code on her phone as she continued to move through the rooms, searching, silently praying to find her daughter.

Back in the kitchen, the county dispatcher answered. Blythe dragged in a deep breath and willed herself to calm down.

“Courtney, it’s Blythe Engersol.”

“Hey, Doc. You got an emergency?”

“I need…help. I just got home.” Her fingers started tingling and the fringes of her vision began to blur.

Breathe. In…out.

“My…my Nanny’s been killed. And my daughter’s missing. I can’t find her. Courtney, I can’t find Joy. Please. Please send help. Please.”

The rest of her vision turned hazy, the tingling in her hands shooting up her arms, her grip of the phone beginning to grow slack. It took every ounce of strength she had to hold on to it. With her free hand she reached out and bolstered herself against the marble counter top.

“Stay with me, Doc. I’m calling the Chief and the deputies now. Are you in the house?”

“Ye…yes. I’m here.”

“Are you alone?”

“I think … I’m not…sure.”

“Listen, Doc. Leave. Go outside and wait for the Chief. Sit on the curb or something, but don’t stay in the house. I’m gonna stay on the line with you, okay? Go. Now. Right now. Go outside and wait.”

“Leave? I…can’t. Joy…Joy’s not… she needs me. She—”

Her vision tunneled, and all she could see was the countertop in front of her.

Oh, please don’t let me faint.

 “I’m…”

“Doc? Doc?”

The light winked out as if she’d extinguished a candle. The last thought Blythe had as slid to the tiled kitchen floor, the phone bouncing from her hand across the hard surface, was that she needed to find her daughter.

Intrigued?

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#Mondaymusings #musingsonamonday

“Do what you love, what gives you joy, what brings you the most pleasure imaginable. It will never be a job, but always be a constant source of happiness.”

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#TBT

All year long I’m taking a look back on some of the blogs I wrote when I first started this writing project. It’s fun to see how far I’ve come in my writing and in my philosophizing, lol! This one is from September 2017

I’ve mentioned before that I’m blessed and lucky to be retired so I can write whenever I want, for how ever long at a stretch I want. This usually adds up to 5-9 hours daily, depending on everything else in life that needs to be taken care of: laundry, grocery shopping, exercise.

But….there was a time not too long ago when that wasn’t the case. I worked outside my home at a job I detested, so writing was relegated to the back burner. During that time I’d sneak a few minutes before getting ready for the day to jot down a few lines of dialogue. Or I’d bring my laptop to work with me and take a solitary lunch so I could finish a scene. My menopause insomnia ( don’t laugh. It’s a real thing!) was good for one thing and one thing only: I used my inability to sleep to write in the middle of the night when everyone else was dreaming. My first book, SKATER’S WALTZ, was completely written between the hours of 1 and 3 am.

My husband worked, my daughter was out of the house, so it should have been easy to eek time out of the day to write. But it wasn’t because, you know….life.

Balance is a hard job for some people and for me it’s one of the most difficult concepts to accomplish. I never felt like I was giving my all to anyone or anything when I was working and writing. I am in awe of writers who have small children, volunteer at their school, plus work and have husbands/wives they need to care, in addition to homes that need to be tended. And by tended, I mean cleaned! Those writers truly have superpowers that I do not possess. They can write a book, bake cookies for the school fundraiser, prepare nutritious meals for dinner, and everyone has clothes to wear, even on laundry day.

These writers have found their inner balance between writing and life.

I never did. It was only when I retired from that despised job that I was able to finally devote the time necessary to each part of my day and not feel as if I was cheating some aspect of it along the way.

So the title of this piece is Managing my writing time. I’m doing pretty well now that I don’t have any place to be during the daylight hours – and by that I mean I don’t have to go to a job location. All my friends still work, so there is no one I can get into Thelma and Louise trouble with during the day and the last time I went out to lunch on a weekday was way back in the beginning of the summer. I have no life, really, and I think I’m doing just fine!

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#mondaymusings #musings on a Monday 3.25.24

This is a question I get asked a great deal…

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7 months…

On TikTok the other day I saw a video and had to stop and watch it. After I did, I saved it because it spoke to me on so many levels.

The video was the 7 questions you should ask your mother before she…dies. I still have trouble saying, writing, and thinking that word in relation to my mother.

These are the questions:

  1. What is your happiest memory of us ( either you and your mother, or the family as a whole)?
  2. What is the nicest thing I have ever done for you?
  3. What is the one thing you always want me to remember after you are gone?
  4. What was the first year of motherhood like for you?
  5. What do you wish most for me?
  6. Is there anything in our family that is a secret?
  7. What are the best and worst things about getting older?

Here is the saddest part of this entire exercise: I only know the answer to one of these questions. And truthfully? I wish I didn’t.

I can certainly speculate on the rest of them, but I’ll never have a definitive answer, which, for the control freak in me, is just devastating.

7 months…feels like yesterday.

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On Amazon sales, Returned books, and negative royalties.

It’s been a while since I posted a rant piece, LOL. I’ll try to stay calm while I write this but for the record: I’m seriously pissed.

Okay, a little back story to set the scene.

I had a book sale this month – I put my Matchmaker novel MIX AND MATCH

on sale for 99 cents for 2 weeks. The regular price is $2.99. Didn’t sell a million copies, hee hee, but didn’t do too bad for little unknown me. So, what you need to know is that when you put a book on sale on Amazon for 99 cents, that means your profit or royalty for the sale is 35 cents. You can imagine that I am not getting rich writing and doing this, folks, because I am not. In order to make ANY money I’d need to sell millions of copies at 35 cents.

Not happening.

Now. The book was 99 cents, which in all reality is a ridiculous price for the months of work, blood, sweat, and many sleepless nights that went into writing it. But the fact is readers won’t spend a lot of money on writers they don’t know, so offering a sale price like this is a way to garner new readers.

Back to money. So, 35 cents a copy is all I make on the sale. Here’s the rant part. I had people RETURN the book after reading it. RETURN IT! A 99 cent book!

#WTF

And to add insult to injury on this one, Amazon charges me 41 cents on the return, so I not only lost the 35 cents royalty, I also had to pay Amazon for the pleasure of having one of my books returned.

I can’t decide who I’m madder at: Amazon for the extra charge or the reader who thought reading a book and returning it was a good idea. I’m not the lending library, folks. Neither are the other writers this happens to all the time.

Now I can see if you clicked on the buy option by mistake. We’ve all done that. But this isn’t the case here. There are literally hordes of readers who buy a book, read it, and then return it for no other reason than they want to.

Understand why I’m pissed now?

I had a good friend ask me on Facebook this morning if I thought people ordered it and realized they didn’t want it and then returned it, or if they didn’t realize when their kindle asked them after they finished the book if the choice REMOVE THE DOWNLOAD meant they were, in fact, returning the book and not just moving it out of their digital library. Or, her third option was, are they just evil.

I’m hoping it’s option number two. They don’t realize clicking REMOVE THE DOWNLOAD returns the book to amazon. I’m trying to hope human nature isn’t all that greedy that 99 cents needs to be put back in their coffers.

I’m not hopeful, though, that’s true. I kinda think option 3 is the more truthful one.

Le sigh….. don’t think you’ll get rich if you become a writer, kids. Winning Powerball is easier.

A little clarification: if when you click on the end of your kIndle book it says DELETE PERMANENTLY FROM YOUR device, that is the return. If I just says Remove from your library, that’s not.

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Abbondanza!

It’s my turn over on ROMANCING the GENRES and this word theme this month is ABUNDANCE.

Here’s my take: https://romancingthegenres.blogspot.com/2021/11/abbondanza-by-peggy-jaeger.html

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Are you “Lucky in Love?” Celebrate March with the #ROMANCEGEMS

For the entire month of March, the Romance Gems are celebrating being LUCKY IN LOVE. And let’s be honest: if you’ve happened to find someone to love, that DOES make you lucky!

As usual, we’re having a contest fro Amazon Gift cards, so make sure you read the daily blogs and enter here: LILRG

Don’t forget to stop by the blog daily!

Until next time, peeps ~Peg

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#SundaySnippet 9.29.19 It’s A Trust Thing

Honestly, what other book was I gonna put up here today?? Hee hee.

So, IT’S A TRUST THING releases, as you know, on 11.1.19. Nell Newbery had an idyllic childhood up until the age of 16, when her father was arrested, tried, and convicted of running a pyramid scheme for people who had invested with him. Life as she knew it changed forever the moment he was taken away in handcuffs from their apartment.

Nell has lived her life since then out of the pubic eye, despite the hordes of journalists and paparazzi who follow her, dying to get a sound bit or  a compromising position photograph. She’s cut off all contact with her felonious father and hasn’t visited him once while he’s been incarcerated. But he’s been begging her to visit him of late. The 15th anniversary of the date he was imprisoned is looming and Nell thinks he wants to involve her in a plan to garner him early release. Since she won’t speak to him, her dad emails her. This little snippet is just one of the messages that Nell has been deleting as they arrive. I think her anger shines through in this scene.

That done, I finally checked my in-box. Much of my day-today operations were conducted electronically through email, direct message, and via my website. Some days, if I was busy with something, I’d have dozens of notifications to contend with before I knew it. Staying ahead of the mail was an important facet in keeping my day moving smoothly and my stomach unknotted.

As I opened the application and waited for the messages to load onto my screen, I sipped at the bottled water I’d gotten with lunch. A quick eye stroll down the list of waiting-to-be-read notices and the water suddenly choked at the back of my throat.

No. Just…no.

I checked the return web address, blinked, then checked it again.

It couldn’t be; it had been over a year since I’d heard anything.

One more check. Yup. It was. The return address was from a government-dot-org account.

My father had sent me an email.

Why?

Or more importantly, what did he want, because surely this wasn’t a hi, how are you doing, missive. My father wasn’t wired that way. Every email was usually a request to do something for him.

Speak in his favor at an upcoming parole hearing.

I didn’t.

Write a letter to the Governor asking for clemency or to have his sentence reduced.

I refused.

Get together with his lawyers to discuss how they could finagle him a new trial, claiming the government had railroaded him.

I never bothered to call them.

My father, I’d finally come to realize when I was in college, was a user. Out for himself and himself alone. He’d never asked once about my mother – his wife – when he emailed me. Not once in all these years. Since she’d fallen apart after his arrest and subsequent incarceration, he figured she wasn’t useful to him any longer.

The bastard.

The woman had stood by him, valiantly, bravely, believing in him until the verdict was handed down, and even after that. By virtue of their marriage, though, her reputation was ruined, a side effect of loving the man and sticking by him. All her friends had turned their backs on her. The philanthropic committees and boards she’d sat on removed her from their ranks. Even her family disowned her, blaming her for marrying a man who would bring ridicule and shame upon their good name.

Suffice it to say when they’d disowned her, it had filtered down to include me, the Devil’s spawn. The difference between my mother and I was I didn’t care that her family had rejected me because of who my father was. My mother did, though. She was devastated when everyone she loved turned on her. So much so, she’d disassociated from the world and wound up committed. It was grossly unfair. Her husband was the criminal, not her. The only crime she’d committed was in loving and trusting the man.

I hadn’t seen nor spoken to my father since the day he was escorted out of a federal courtroom to begin his sentence.

He’d gotten my email address from one of his lawyers. Thankfully, none of them had my private cell number and I didn’t have a personal landline so they couldn’t reach out to me. My calls at the office were screened by the receptionist I shared with Ella and Danny, and I avoided them whenever they called.

This missive now staring at me was the first time in over a year he’d made contact.

He knew the anniversary of his imprisonment was a time the media dredged the whole sordid affair up again, vomiting all the details to the public. For the tenth anniversary a cable news magazine had dedicated a one-hour program to it titled, When Greed Ruled the World. My father probably thought now was a good time to strike with another request for early release, or some other legal maneuver. Since his name was going to be publicly front and center again, why not try to garner some sympathy; some empathy for himself? I did a quick calculation and came up with his age: sixty-eight. He’d claim to be an old man, repentant in his ways.

What a crock.

Any measure of daughterly affection or familial obligation died when he’d tossed my mother aside.

She was the one who had my loyalty and love. For her, I’d go to bat and do anything to make her life easier.

My father? Yeah, not so much.

My finger hit the delete key.

Intrigued? I hope so. Remember, you can preorder it now, here; It’s a Trust Thing. Or, if you subscribe to KU, you can download it on 11.1.19.

Looking for me? I’m here:

Tweet Me//Read Me// Visit Me//Picture Me//Pin Me//Friend Me// Triber// BookMe // Monkey me //Watch me

Until next time ~ Peg

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