Tag Archives: wedding

On lifestyle changes, doing better and trying to get healthy…

I don’t usually share my personal struggles on this blog.

I really don’t. Talking about writing or my issues with writing isn’t what I mean. Yes, I do discuss those, but they are pretty innocuous topics.

I mean, I don’t usually go deep and write about the daily struggle I have with my weight, my eating disorder, and my body image.

But…first I want to share something with you that I saw the other day that just RESONATED with me sososos much. Please take a few minutes to watch this. If you’ve already seen it, watch it again because every single person on the planet needs to hear this.

SO.

I’ve been fat shamed my entire life – by others and by myself. I know, I know! You’re supposed to love yourself for who you are, not what you look like. The reasons behind my eating disorder are lifelong and involve things said to me while I was child by my biological father and my grandmother. When people who are supposed to support you tear you down instead as a child, well, let’s just say that baggage gets carried into adulthood. I’ve never been able to look in a mirror and tell myself “you’re enough the way you are, because I was never able to feel that way.”
That’s on me.

When my daughter got engaged on Christmas eve, my first emotion was elation. For her. My second was terror. For me. As mother of the bride, I’m going to be front and center at all events looking….not good. Not the way I want to. Not the way I should. To have two opposing emotions – happiness for her and sadness for me – at the same time sent me into an emotional spiral that ramped up my eating disorder. Just like James Corden says in his video, shaming someone leads to depression, decreased feelings of self worth, and ineffective coping mechanisms. For me, that means an increase in my bulimia.

There. I said it. I admitted it out loud. Well, in print, anyway. But you know what I mean.

The first step towards fixing a problem is to admit you have one. Just like with alcoholism and drug addiction, you first need to recognize, name and accept that you have an issue, before you can begin to heal, fix, and help yourself.

So here’s my admission. My name is Peggy and I’m a bulimic.

First step? Check.

The second step is to come up with a plan for dealing and/or changing the issue. Way easier said than done, for sure. But now that I’ve said out loud what my issue is, I can devise a plan to fix it.

First step in this is to stop binging and purging whenever my emotions get out of hand.

Again, easier said that done, but if I think it, speak it into the air, and tell it to myself often, I know I can combat the desire.

Maybe this is all a little TMI for you. Maybe it is for me, too, but I am determined at almost 60 years old to finally FINALLY squelch this behavior. If writing about the struggle will help me attain that goal, so be it.

My goal is to eradicate my eating disorder, lose the excess weight pulling my health down, and in so doing, be the best, healthiest Peggy I can be. If that means that ultimately I am a size 8 or a size 18, so be it.

Until the next time I feel the need to talk about this again! ~ Peg

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A look back….

As I’ve gotten older, I find myself in a reflective mood this time of year. The current year is drawing to a close, the New Year is just over the horizon. Since I’m such a lesson-oriented person with a mix of goal-making obsession thrown in, I wanted to look back on this year at the highs – and lows – and see what I can learn to guide me into 2019 with a brighter, enthusiastic mindset.

Since being positive is such a good thing, let’s start with the good things that happened this year.

  1. I had 4 – FOUR!!! – books published through 2 publishing houses. Okay, so 3 of them came out into the world within 6 weeks of one another and I almost had a nervous breakdown from the promo aspect of all that… but 4 books!!!
  2. I traveled to some new places-to-me: Iceland,  Denver, and Bermuda. Can you find more diverse weather and cultural  locales, peeps?
  3. I was featured in the HEA column of USA today – a writer’s dream come true, believe me!
  4. I was  the featured author in a wickedly popular You-Tube podcast titled TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAMN BOOK.
  5. I met one of my heroes, Jack Canfield.
  6. I met some of my writing idols at RWA 2018.
  7. I celebrated my 58th birthday and my 31st wedding anniversary.
  8. I reconnected with my mother.
  9. My darling daughter got engaged to the perfect man for her! ( and I swear I’m gonna use this picture on the cover of my next book!

 

And of course, there were things that weren’t so great that happened that need to be listed.

  1. I was dropped by one of my publishing houses after submitting 3 book proposals that they passed on.
  2. I received some not very flattering reviews for a few of my books ( and yes, they were outnumbered in droves by the positive ones, but the negative ones are the ones you ALWAYS remember)
  3.  My darling mother-in-law died after a long, long illness.
  4. I gained another 19 pounds after being hypnotized to lose weight. Yeah…I can’t figure that one, either.
  5. The world around us is very dark and scary right now with the way things are being run in this country. I am trying to be hopeful for the future, but it’s hard.

I am happy and hopeful to see that there were more good things listed above than bad things.

So, I look forward to starting 2019 renewed, recharged, and delighted with the potential happiness the year will bring.

Happy New Year, peeps  ~ Peg

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