Category Archives: community advocacy

Public speaking isn’t for sissies…

So, this weekend I’ll be here:

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I’m part of the Vendor’s event on Friday night,  hawking my books and pressing the flesh ( why that always sounds so dirty to me, I can’t tell ya, but it does! )

Saturday I’m giving two “talks” or classes, as the camp is calling them. One is titled DREAM BIG the other, WRITING A BOOK, two concepts I know a great deal about.

Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk. I’ll talk to practically anyone, anywhere any time. My grandmother used to say I’d talk to a rock if it would listen. She’s wasn’t wrong.

But speaking to another person one-on-one or in a small group of your friends is totally different from getting up in front of a bunch of strangers and commanding a topic.

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I tend to babble when I’m nervous. I tend to go off on tangents if something strikes me as funny. I tend to avoid eye contact because I’m so nervous. None of these little idiosyncrasies warms a listener’s heart when they have paid cash-money to hear you speak about a topic you are supposed to be proficient in and an expert on.

There are a million tactics to dealing with this nervous anxiety. Picturing your audience naked is one of the oldest and most quoted pieces of advice. But folks, seriously? I’m a romance writer. I write about naked people all the time! If I started envisioning my audience naked I’d most likely start to think up stories to put couples in the crowd together! Not a good tactic at all.

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Someone else offered me the advice of speaking to the crowd as if they were all a bunch of my friends and we were just chatting. Again- do you know me??? I have more “friends” on facebook than I do in real life. I’m never around more than 4 people at a time. EVAH!!!

One thing I did do for these two talks was write out all the bullet points I wanted to speak about and then transferred them to index cards. At least this way I can stick to topic and not go off on one of my numerous side trips and a non-sensical conversations.

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Arghghgh, as Charlie Brown so correctly says.

What have I gotten myself into? It’s so hard being a 50-ish, chubby, nervous, introvert in today’s youth obsessed, anorexic, let-everything-hang-out-there world.

I think I’ll go back to writing now to calm myself.

When I’m not having anxiety attacks about public speaking you can find me here:

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Filed under Author, community advocacy, Contemporary Romance, female friends, Kensington Publishers, Life challenges, Literary characters, Lyrical Author, Pet Peeves, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women, Uncategorized, WIld Rose Press AUthor

Loneliness….

I was out for the day with my besties yesterday. Love that. Just a day of girlfriends, shopping, eating, and laughing.

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One of my girls mentioned she was at a conference recently where this question was posed: What is the number one disease afflicting the world today? My first thought was heart disease. NO. My second guess was mental illness? NO, but closer.

Turns out, the number one disease afflicting a great majority of the world we live in is loneliness.

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When you think about it, it kinda rings true. Because I’m so egocentric(!LOL) I immediately thought about my life as it stands now as a full-time writer.

Here’s a quick snapshot of my routine day for clarification. I get up anywhere from 3am-4am due to this chronic insomnia I have.  Hubman is still asleep so I either write a little or watch a little OnDemand Real Housewives episodes that I’ve missed. Get him up for work a few hours later. He leaves  and most days is gone for between 12 and 13 hours. I do one of two things: go to the gym first or just start writing.

If I don’t go to the gym there are days when I will not speak to or interact with another human being until my husband returns home. That’s approximately half my waking day without human interaction. Without speaking to someone, hearing their voice, engaging them in dialogue. More than half. One of the reasons I joined a gym was so that I had a reason to get out of the house and be around people for a few hours a day and not just sit at home, typing, and being alone for hours upon end. Believe me, if I didn’t consciously go out of the house, I could sosososo be a hermit and never see or hear another person. Not good for someone like me who makes their bread and butter creating relationships between people. I need to see people, hear them, watch them, and talk to them so that my characters feel and sound real to readers.

Well, you troll on Facebook and Pinterest and Twitter you’ll say. That’s social interaction. Yes, to a point. But nothing can replace looking into someone’s face when you are speaking with them, drawing them in with  your expressions, your spoken voice, looking directly into their eyes so that you actually connect with them. Nothing. You don’t get that from hitting a “like” on facebook, or “Re-Tweeting” something on twitter. You just don’t.

Again, you will say, but Skype and Facetime, and other mechanical apps where you can look at the person you are speaking to over the device, face to face, is social interaction. Again, yes, to a point. It’s similar, but just not the same as sitting across from someone in a coffeehouse, being able to hold their hand when they’re sad, or run a comforting caress up their arm;  or sharing a meal with someone in a restaurant and actually engaging them, eye to eye, face to face, in a conversation that actually has substance, value. and meaning. Nothing.

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To most – if not all – writers, being alone is just part of the job. We need the alone time to settle our thoughts, run them through without interruptions, figure out the next scene in silence. Like I said, being alone is part and parcel of the job.

But loneliness is very different from being alone. Being alone has a purpose. You need quiet to focus, to create, to bring forth coherent thoughts on the page. Being lonely is a result. A negative result of an event, or simply just happenstance of life. A spouse dies and your family lives far away and doesn’t visit. You’ve worked all your life and now retirement comes and you realize you don’t have many friends or family members to spend time with. You’ve gotten divorced, moved, experienced a trauma. Anything and everything can contribute to a state of loneliness.

Humans are social animals. We talk, we laugh, we cry, we touch, we love, we communicate with words and without.  We need interaction. We crave the company of another, and when we are isolated or unable to interact with others, severe, depressing, heart-wrenching feelings of loneliness can surface and destroy us.

So, like me, if you are alone a lot, do something that gets you out of the house, even for an hour. Be with people. Go grab a cup of coffee and a bagel. Call up someone you know is sitting at home alone and drag them out with you. Smile. Engage with the world and the wonderful people in it. Don’t give loneliness a chance to develop, grow, and fester.girlfriends2

I am home a lot, that’s true. So if I don’t see you at Panera’s (lol) or the Gym, here’s where you can find me:Tweet Me//Read Me// Visit Me// Picture Me//Pin Me//Friend Me//Google+Me//

 

 

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Filed under Author, community advocacy, Contemporary Romance, female friends, Life challenges, love, research, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women

The year of YES

I did a post at the beginning of this year, telling you all that I’d made 2016 the year of saying yes for me to things I don’t usually  say yes to ( or even want to!) Thought I’d give you an update on how that’s going.

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I said yes to attending a woman’s expo earlier in the year as a vendor when an old friend asked me to. I was allowed to have my own “booth”, set up to sell copies of my books. This wasn’t a book conference, or a literary meeting, but an expo for women of all ages, all walks of like, and was filled with all things pertinent to, well, women.  Life style coaches, diet, exercise gurus, local and national vendors alike all converged on my local college for the day. I figured if I sold one book I’d be happy. Didn’t sell one book…sold 50. Mostly to people I didn’t know ( so that’s a plus!) Very glad I said yes to my friend when she asked me to participate. Another reason I was happy I’d said yes was when the guy at the booth next to mine told he was the sponsor of a woman’s retreat weekend, coming up this September and he would be thrilled if I participated and  maybe…wait for it…be a speaker. As a speaker, I’d also be able to sell my books during the weekend’s own trade/vendor show. Since this is the year of yes I said…Yes! I’ll let you know how it goes after it’s over next month.

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Even though I retired from my job last year so I could write full time, I said yes to going back for a few months to help my old office out with a problem. Because I knew there was an end-date on that “yes” I was happy to help out and actually had a good time interacting with my old patients and my crew. I really don’t think I need to tell you how happy my husband was when I said yes to this, since I would be getting paid for my time!

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I was asked to be a judge in our annual Keene Dancing with Stars and said yes – and was sosososo happy I did. I had oodles of fun and made some new friends.

I attended RWA in July ( you know that!) and this year when the call went out for volunteers to work the conference I said…yes. So glad I did because I got to chat up some of my all time favorite authors, like Jill Shalvis and Kristan Higgins, in a casual, fun-filled, no stress-sweat situation.

Remember my friend who asked me to participate in the woman’s expo? She also asked me to participate in this year’s Taste of Home Cooking show that will be happening this October at our high school, and again, I  said yes, because I get to sell my books to the 600-800 participants this event usually sees attend. More on that after October, but another good reason to say yes to something I’d rather avoid – crowds!!!

 

Here’s where you can find me when I’m not saying yes!:

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Filed under Author, community advocacy, Dancing with the Stars, female friends, Friends, Life challenges, love, New Hampshire, Project Graduation, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women

Social Media, Rules….

Magnified illustration with the word Social Media on white background.

 

And I don’t mean it like “rules for behavior.” No, I mean social media RULES the universe these days.

Let me ‘splain it you, Lucy…..

A little over a year ago I was an unknown, about-to-be-first-time-published author who had 15 Twitter followers on a good day. They were all friends and family who knew me and thought it was cute we were Tweeting one another inane things. My publisher recommended I increase my online presence to find more new readers for my books and to help promote those books through the free marketing Twitter encompasses with every tweet you send. I said, “okay” because, really, what was I going to say, NO? They were the experts. I was just a little unknown romance writer looking- hoping-praying- someone ( anyone) would buy a book from me.

I asked my daughter – the techy maven – how to go about finding new followers and she gave me a sage bit of advice. In order to get more followers, you have to…wait for it.…follow more people.

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Really? Could it be that easy?
Well, I’m here to tell you that, yes, it is that easy.

I found people who liked the same things I did: writers, romance readers and writers, and book lovers, and started following them, retweeting posts I liked, and interacting with complete strangers. In one month I increased my followers from 15 to 150.

When my book came out, I started tweeting about it, using those infamous and oh-so-beneficial-hashtags, and my following soared to 300.

With the next book, I did the same thing, finding trending hashtags that compared to what I was sharing and hastag-jumped onto those tweets. This brought me even more followers. At one point I was tweeting all my new followers every time I got one, thanking them for joining and following me. This got old pretty quickly when I spent almost an hour of each day doing it, so I stopped. I thought I might lose some followers by not pointing them out, and I did lose a few. But in the world of twitter math, for every 2-3 followers I lost, 10 more came on board. Today, I woke up to 811 followers.

 

Folks, I don’t even know 811 people!!!

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Now that I’m with a new publisher, I’ll be following more authors, and in turn, will increase my own followers even more. You can take everything I just wrote and apply it to Facebook, Google, and Pinterest as well. The more social media sights you troll on, the more “people” you will “meet.”

So, this is what I mean when I say Social Media rules. Because  it does. Really. Go ahead and Tweet this and you’ll see what  I mean!

And if you want to find me on Social Media, here’s where I am…ALL THE TIME!!! le Sigh!

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Filed under Author, community advocacy, Contemporary Romance, Kensington Publishers, love, Lyrical Author, New Hampshire, research, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women, WIld Rose Press AUthor

Goal vs. Dream

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So…I’m giving this motivational speech next month at a woman’s weekend retreat and I’ve starting putting my thoughts together on what I want to say, the points I want to highlight, and the ideas I want to leave the women with.  And by starting to put together I really mean I’m starting to panic about what to say!! I’m going to use this blog piece as a way of organizing my thoughts, so please bear with me!

I’ve always asserted that there is a distinct difference between having a dream for yourself and having a goal. To prove I’m educated in the difference between the two, here are the definitions:

A goal is: an aim or desired result

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A dream is: a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal

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Now, just looking at the two you might think they really are the same thing. But I don’t think they are and here’s why.

I always had a little dream to write romantic fiction and have it published. My dream was to be able to support myself as a writer and have the people who read my stuff like it, be loyal, and want more of it.  That was it. Just a dream. A little fantasy that played out in my mind time after time. I’d  imagine myself going to book signings and have the waiting line for my table be out the door and around the block! I’d make every bestseller list out there, and talk shows would be clamoring to schedule me whenever I had a new book released. Amazon would list me as a preferred author and my Goodreads page would be off the chart with followers.

Okay, so it was a BIG dream and not really a little one.

What turned my dream into a reality was when I set a goal for myself centering on that dream to write and publish. I put an action plan behind my fantasy. I set a time frame for what I wanted to happen, the means to make sure it did, and took steps to promote and push it along to fruition.

See the difference? My dream was ephemeral, just a thought, an idea, a wish. My goal put action behind the fantasy to make it come true. To break it down even further ( for you literary and English majors!)  my dream was a noun and my goal was the verb.

Make sense?

Now, of course,  I’m going to expound on that a lot more when I give my talk. I do have to fill an entire hour and not just a three minute ready-to-read-piece like this one! But I think my idea is solid. How I got to live out my fantasy, my dream, how I made it happen, will comprise the majority of the speech. But for now, I have a starting point, so thank’s for listening and ANY WORDS OF WISDOM would not only be appreciated, they would be cherished…so feel free.

Here’s the info, btw, if you want to attend the women’s weekend retreat and see me make a fool of myse–, er…hear me speak: Camp Takodah

and…if you can’t make it to the retreat, here’s where you can find me:  Tweet Me// Read Me// Visit Me// Picture Me//Pin Me//Friend Me//Google+Me//

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Filed under Author, community advocacy, Kensington Publishers, Life challenges, Lyrical Author, Netgalley Reviewer, NHRWA, Romance, Romance Books, Strong Women, The Wild Rose Press, WIld Rose Press AUthor

Something new…

Recently, I signed on with NetGalley, an online book reviewer site. The reason I decided to do this was because I read a lot  of books by new authors,  and I know – personally!- how hard it is to get reviews. Reviews generate buzz about books to people, and as an author, I appreciate how valuable a good review is to finding new readers to read my stuff.  A good review can up an author’s sales. A great review can propel a book and its writer into another stratosphere. Being a reviewer allows me to help the people I know who read my blog find great new and upcoming authors, and writers they’ve never read before.

I made a new page on my website to list the books and their reviews that I think are outstanding and worthy to be read. This is the link: Books I’ve reviewed .  You’ll find well known authors in addition to many names many you’ve never heard of before – but should be hearing about!

My standards for review are the same ones I hope other reviewers will use for me. I won’t write a written review for any book that I can’t give a 4 or 5, to. If a book scores lower than that for me, it usually means the story didn’t resonate with me. That doesn’t mean it won’t appeal to others, tho, and I don’t want to post something negative about it. I’ve read two books recently that I gave only 3’s to because there were so many grammatical and typing errors in the copy I couldn’t actually enjoy the story because of it.

I don’t ever want to be one of those mean reviewers who epitomize the haters gotta hate rule. Those are the reviewers who I always think are secretly writer-wannabes who just can’t – for whatever reason -write the story themselves, so they bash others that do. So. Not. Me!

So, if my humble opinion means anything, I hope you will check back periodically and read about the books I’ve given kudos to.

If you need to find me, you can:  Tweet Me// Read Me// Visit Me// Picture Me//Pin Me//Friend Me//Google+Me//

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Filed under Author, community advocacy, Contemporary Romance, Kensington Publishers, Life challenges, Lyrical Author, Netgalley Reviewer, New Hampshire, NHRWA, research, Romance, Romance Books, The Wild Rose Press

Off to my version of the Wonderful World of Oz…RWA2016!

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In just a few days, I leave for San Diego for the 2016 RWA annual conference. Can I tell you just how excited I am?! I’m like a kid waiting anxiously for Christmas morning. I’m like that 18-year-old waiting for the college acceptance letter to come via snail mail. I’m like that bride-to-be the night before her big day. I’m like….okay, you get it!

This will be my third RWA conference. The first one I ever attended was in 2014 and that conference shaped my life to come. Dramatic much, you ask? No, not really. I’ll tell you why.

At the RWA14 conference held in San Antonio 2 amazing things happened that turned my life as I knew it then, completely around. First, I met the person who would become my first editor at The Wild Rose Press. I had submitted my manuscript Skater’s Waltz to WRP after winning a contest. Rhonda Penders was the judge and she asked me to submit. I had been exchanging emails with this editor for the champagne line for a few weeks, and she told me she would be at the conference and would like to meet up, so we arranged a time to do so. When we met she told me that  by the time I got home from the conference there would be an acceptance letter in the mail from WRP for my book, along with a contract. I was so stunned I couldn’t put a coherent sentence together. A legitimate publisher was going to put my book into print! Momentous event number 1.

Life changing event number 2 was when I met, talked with, and cried to Nora Roberts. Oh, and got a picture with her, which currently sits on my writing desk. Why did I cry, you ask? It was NORA ROBERTS!!!! And she was so damn normal and nice. We spoke for a few minutes ( well, I babbled between sob sniffs!) and she encouraged me wholeheartedly to go all balls out for my dream of writing and publishing romantic fiction.  She said no one could write the romance story I wanted to tell but me. Me! Holy Macaroni!

Holy Macaroni!

She said she knew she’d be seeing my at the Literacy Book signing someday, at my own table.

I left that conference with enough enthusiasm and good will to last until the RWA15 conference. At that one, I volunteered to work at the Literacy Book-Signing and was assigned to Jayne Ann Krentz! No crying this  time, but she was amazing. I learned an awful lot about being a gracious and  receptive author from her.

This year, RWA16, I’m volunteering at the Librarian’s luncheon and moderating 2 courses with some of my fav authors. Oh, and I’m doing the Literacy Book signing this year as …drumroll…. a SIGNING AUTHOR. God bless Nora Roberts’ prediction.

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So, if you’re in San Diego this year, join us for the Book signing. If you’re a first time RWA conference attendee, whether you’re an author or a reader, be sure to look for me around the Marriot and in classes and stop and say Hi!

And remember: dreams come true every day, in every way. You just need to dream them.

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Filed under Author, community advocacy, Contemporary Romance, Life challenges, Literary characters, love, NHRWA, Romance, Romance Books, RWA, The Wild Rose Press, WIld Rose Press AUthor

The end of an era…

deanToday I’m taking a break from writing about writing because I want to share something other than my typical author thoughts.

Many of you know I live in a comparatively small New England town. The population hovers around 25,000 on a good day.  I tell you this because living in such a place means you get to know the people who reside here. You see neighbors in church, friends out at local eateries, your kids attend the same schools. The sense of community here is rampant and at times it can feel as if you live in a fishbowl with everyone knowing everyone else’s business. Or thinking they do!

But….

When it comes to supporting the  businesses of a small town, you see what the people around you are really made of. For 24 years YOUR KITCHEN STORE, owned and managed by Dean Eaton, has operated on the simple principles of giving you a  good deal for a great item, giving back to local charities, and supporting all the other locally owned businesses in the area. Many times on the radio we have heard Dean say, “Buying locally supports the entire community through jobs, keeping the profits gained within the community, and helps keep local taxes contained.” When you buy locally you are confirming your commitment to champion your neighbors, because most local businesses are owned by people who actually live in the community. Probably on your street.

It was with a humongous sense of sadness that our community learned last week that YOUR KITCHEN STORE will be closing its doors at the end of this month. The reasons are simple: foot traffic is down and big box stores and the internet have taken over everyday retail sales. My heart is heavy with this knowledge for several reasons, not the least of which is that Dean’s store was my favorite store when I moved here 22 years ago and has never fallen off that first place pedestal. But I have other reasons for being so dismayed with its closing.

Dean told me the other day that the day after Thanksgiving 2015, 40% of all pre-holiday shopping was done on  the internet that day. 40%. That number is astronomical and marketing analysts predict the 2016 holiday shopping season will see even higher online sales.

The advent of smart-phones, wifi everywhere, and a laptop in almost every home in America has turned us into a society that could truthfully do everything, gain every necessary item, and fulfill all our everyday needs without every leaving the confines of our homes. Yes, shopping via the internet is easy and welcome when you have a busy schedule that doesn’t allow you to actually go to a store and shop, I get that. Everyone gets that. And yes, those big name “convenience’ stores can be just that, convenient. But what I don’t think the average person realizes is how destructive shopping online can be, and is, to local community businesses who are trying so hard to compete in this new computer-ruled world. Or that the profits from all those convenient big stores don’t stay in the community. Yes, they provide jobs. No one argues with that, but the workers are merely part of a huge, impersonal team run by a corporation only concerned with profits. To even considering coming into a small town, many of those big stores are offered tax breaks that the average small business owner never is. Does that seem fair to you?

Locally owned and operated stores offer personal and knowledgeable service. I’ll be the first to admit I get a cheap thrill when I go into a store and the person behind the counter knows me, asks after my family, and gives me updates on their own. I get a real sense of community when I see these same business owners worshipping in  local churches and synagogues, eating out with their families at local restaurants, and sponsoring local athletic teams. When I buy locally I am always confident the product I purchase comes with the business owner’s commitment to providing the best item or service at the best price he/she can. I am not fooled by the bigger stores offering coupons or one-day sales, just to lure me in, and then finding out the item I want is either not in stock, or the coupon doesn’t really fit what I want and need.

Integrity, honesty, decency, and fairness are all factors in a business that make me want to support it. In my town, I have found those qualities in each and every locally owned and operated business, bet it a kitchen store, a gas station, a restaurant, a farm stand, or a septic cleaning company.

I am beyond saddened that Dean is closing his store. He and his  wonderful staff have helped me become the good cook ( no hubris here!) I am, by helping me find the perfect utensils I need, the best tasting sauces and mixes I want, and the perfect appliances  necessary to create a master-chef meal. Dean has been a champion of all local charities, never refusing to donate an item or a gift card for a local fundraising auction, and he has shined a brilliant light on the National Organ Donation Organization and its needs for easily accessible and available organ and tissue donations to people who require them. The one and only good thing  I see coming out of YOUR KITCHEN STORE closing its doors, is that now Dean will have more time to spend with his amazing and beautiful wife, Carol.

In closing, I’d just like to remind people how important and necessary it is to shop locally and support your community businesses and business owners with your patronage. We live in a fast, demanding, sometimes soul-sucking world right now. We need to slow down, take a breath, and support our neighbors and our towns through our spending habits and our advocacy for their businesses. Five of the best words in the English language are Locally Grown, Owned, and Operated.

Dean, you, your staff, and your store will be sorely missed in so many ways….

deansstore

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